Love Can Ignite The Stars
by 0oxymoronic0
Summary: As Haru lies sleeping Yuki and Kyo have some decisions to make. KyoHaru plotline YukiKyo
1. Because of a Bicycle

**A/N**

**At last! I have thought of a good plotline for a Kyo/Yuki.**

**This is dedicated to Catrina, who writes **_**the **_**best Kyo/Yuki stories **_**ever**_**. Seriously, check her out, she is amazing. Oh, and if you haven't already, try 'We're All Just Stupid People', which is absolutely brilliant. Seriously. Completely brilliant.**

**Warnings for chapter 1: Some swearing, violence, tragedy, Kyo/Haru.**

**Disclaimer: Usual crap. Nope, not mine.**

_**Love Can Ignite t**__**he Stars**_

**Because of a Bicycle**

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

In the end, it was all because of a bicycle.

You know the one I mean? Haru's little job. The delicate framework, dainty handlebars, steady speed… almost exactly what Haru isn't. Wasn't.

It's no wonder it couldn't survive being hit by a truck.

* * *

It had started out pretty normal, I suppose. Normally, our morning routines managed to squeeze in two love-making sessions before he left for work. He'd wake me up softly, caressing my face, whispering sweet stupidities in my ear – White Haru was always wonderfully loving – before we'd gently dance together.

It is the most wonderful wake-up call.

I was better than the damn Rat at waking up; after that I was completely fine, and we managed to share our shower before he'd kiss me gently, stroking my hair, and say his gentle farewell.

"_Goodbye, kitten_._"_

I'd just smile, though if I was particularly grouchy I'd hit him with a pillow (or maybe toast, depending where I was), but he didn't mind, kissing my head softly and walking out of the door.

This time had a sick parody of Tohru's; it was perhaps the one time he hadn't been able to tell me that. He'd been out late working – he was the sole provider of income, as I couldn't hold down a job for more than five minutes before getting a) bored b) annoyed or c) violently angry – so I waited up for him. Staggering in as Black Haru had made him _very _temperamental, and we were up most of the night, before I slipped away in the early hours of the morning. I was so exhausted that he didn't think to wake me, and left in the morning without another word.

Believe it or not, I don't blame him. He was probably pretty tired at the time, as I was, but he had just wanted what was best for me. For us. He'd always done that; sacrificial, almost. He felt he owed me something, for services rendered, or something, but I don't care about any of that bullshit. I did it for him, and he doesn't need to think about it any more.

In a sick, perverse sort of way I suppose it's entirely my fault.

* * *

I peeled myself off the bedsheets, still sticky and damp from before, uttering curses under my breath as I half-staggered across the room and dumped them in the laundry basket. This small journey exhausting me, I slumped back down on the floor and winced as I hit the rough carpet, swearing loudly to the empty room.

With a massive heave of effort I dragged myself into the shower, the jolt of hot-cold finally shaking the sleep from me and massaging my aching muscles. Taking some lotion recommended to me by Tohru of all people I tried to rub some of the pain out of my muscles, but with little success. Damn, next time I'm going to say _no _after the twenty-somethingth time.

Staggering into the kitchen I found some half-gnawed toast – mine from yesterday, I realised with a shudder – and a cup of cold coffee. Shunning these two items (with good reason) I pulled down another mug and spooned in some instant powder. My mind wandered – not to anything in particular – and when I came back it was at the _clink _of the spoon on an empty jar as I realised I had spooned the whole jar of coffee into the mug. With another sigh I emptied it back out, pouring the boiled water into the cup with a sensible amount of coffee.

I noticed a note in the bottom of the coffee jar, and pulled it out, frowning slightly.

_Silly kitten. You owe me a jar of coffee._

_x_

With a half-smile (other half quickly turning into a wince), I drank half the coffee in one go and left the other half to congeal on the worktop. With a walk a little more rejuvenated I made my way to the phone, the red light annoying me too much; I pressed play and settled back to listen to the messages.

First three were for Haru; bank, friend, something to do with work. I pressed next and ignored them.

The next was from Haru.

"_Hey, kitten. You're useless at answering the phone, so I could only guess you won't get this, or will still be in bed. I'll probably be talking to myself right now, but what the fuck. Hi, me in four hours. Anyway, I'm working late again –_

I groaned; I'd hardly recovered from the last time. Not _another _night, Haru, have mercy!

– _I heard that. Sorry, kitten, there's nothing I can do about it. You know you enjoy it really. Call me when you get this, screw the rules. Love you."_

I smiled quietly to myself, and heard the message information: 10:34 am. Glancing at the clock, I groaned again; it was well past noon now. Stupid Ox would probably be worrying. I rolled my eyes and picked up the phone.

Placing it to my ear I let it ring. Once, twice, three times… eventually the dial tone sounded and I pulled it in front of my face as the answerphone clicked on, the mechanised voice mumbling down the speaker.

I tried his work number, but the result was a bit more promising; a woman picked up. _"Hello, this is Hatsuharu Sohma's phone, how can I help?"_

Relieved, I garbled the words. "Heya, sorry, I'm a friend of Haru's, do you think I could speak to him? It's a bit urgent."

I heard a quiet intake of breath and a whispered conversation on the other end of the phone. _"Can I ask who's calling?"_

I opened my mouth and closed it again; I wasn't sure how much his work knew about us. "His flatmate," I lied smoothly.

Again, breathy whispers. _"I'm sorry… Hatsuharu never made it into work today."_

I froze. Everything froze, stopped, halted, apart from my blood, which was all I could hear in my ears apart from the dreaded sentence, which wouldn't get out. "What do you mean?" I croaked, voice breaking dangerously.

More whispers. _"There was an accident… I'm so sorry."_

It was the worst possible thing she could have said.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Typically, I was the last person to find out. And even then I wasn't told everything; just something to do with an accident. I didn't rush, as Hatori hadn't stressed it was serious, and besides, I had classes to attend to.

Who'd have imagined it? Yuki Sohma, English Teacher. It still made me give an involuntary snigger sometimes. Well, technically it wasn't just English; I taught Japanese kanji, some Mandarin occasionally and even the odd Physics lesson. I worked at a small school, hard-pressed for staff, and I wanted to help them as much as they could. Wonderful kids, if slightly insane; all the others treated me with reverence at being a Sohma, but I rejected this. My name could have got me a loftier position in a better school, but I wanted this one, and I finally got to choose what I wanted.

You should have _seen _my mother's face when I turned down the offer for head of the family. Anything we'd built up over the last few years was completely destroyed. Of course, Ayame had been entirely delighted, annoying but still incredibly supportive. Generally I tried to 'pay my own way', but couldn't resist the lavish birthday presents he forced on me, no matter how perverted they were.

In any rate, it was past six when I finally made my way to the hospital. Hatori had given me brief instructions on how to get to the ward, but as he was helping he soon had to hurry back. I walked down the empty corridors, shuddering slightly. I _hated _hospitals; their smell, their… absentness, their general aura of pain and death. Normally I wasn't this morbid, but hospitals always set me off.

Shrugging off the fears I pushed open the door to the private ward, ignoring the nurse's inquisitive glance and walking straight through the pigeon-gray double doors at the other side of the room. I navigated my way easily through the cold corridors, before stopping at room number twenty-three.

_Sohma Hatsuharu_, the plaque told me, along with the doctor's name, and information about his state.

Wait a minute… this said catatonic! With rising fear I heaved open the doors and walked into the room -

- to see my beautiful, angelic Hatsuharu lying stone-still in the middle of the crisp white sheets.

The gentle _blip _of the machine which echoed around the room was at least half the rate of what my heart was racing at. My chest convulsed involuntarily, but I ignored it, staggering over to the bed. I leaned across him with one arm, while my mouth struggled to get in mouthfuls of air which just didn't seem to reach my lungs.

The room was spinning and fading in the corners of my eyes. With one final, massive effort I collapsed behind the chair and everything went black.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

My head in my hands, I cried. I had screamed, shouted, swore and even smashed a few things, but now nothing was left but to sink to the floor and sob. I hadn't felt so pathetic for a very long time – a _very_long time. But there was nothing for it now; I just sank down and cried, tears running between curled fingers, nails digging into cheekbones, but the pain did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

After a while of self-pity I staggered out of the room, grabbed the flowers I'd arranged for his return this evening – lilies and freesias, his favourites (though the fact _Haru _liked flowers had always seemed quite funny to me) – and stumbled through town to the hospital.

All the time all I could hear was –

_I'm_

_Sorry_

_Hatsuharu_

_Never_

_Made_

_It_

_Into_

_Work_

_Today_

- over and over and over and over until I screamed and sank down again. After recovering myself I found I was virtually next to the hospital.

"Don't give up on me now, kitten." I jumped; I could have _sworn _I had just heard that, as if he was standing next to me. A wild glance around found this to (unfortunately) not be the case; I quelled another sob and stumbled the last block into the hospital, ignoring receptionists and nurses alike.

I collapsed into the room, the hideous _click-click _of the ventilator washing through it; accompanied by the _blip_ of the monitor and the _hush _of the air-conditioning it nearly drove me insane. I staggered over to the bed, eyes painfully dry, and ran a gentle hand across his skin.

"Not my Haru…" I whispered. "You're too strong. You're too good for this!" My voice had risen dangerously, and with a choking sob which broke my voice I forced my anger down again.

It was then I noticed the heap of clothes, and the small grey rat. They were hidden behind a chair, so hadn't been immediately obvious to me, but since I knew what I was looking for I quickly found the little rat. With a curse I pulled it out of its sleeping place, to which it opened an onyx eye and stared at me balefully, before transforming in a puff.

"Fuck! Put some clothes on!" I randomly waved his pile at him, glad when it was released from my grasp. After the general flurry of clothes was followed by a small sigh I judged it was alright to turn around.

"Sorry," he muttered, blushing slightly, but his strange apology wasn't noticed by me; my attention was focused on Haru. "I had an attack," he explained briefly, but I didn't care. Walking back to the bed, I pushed a stray white strand of hair from his forehead slowly. Yuki walked up from behind me and rested his forehead on my shoulder; I flinched but didn't shake him off. By the sounds of his ragged breathing he was struggling as much as I was. "S-sorry," he gasped, and then the pressure was alleviated as he collapsed to the ground.

"Shit," I muttered, and scrambled forward, catching him reflexively. I sat him in one of the two chairs, watching as his chest fluttered frantically. His nails cut into the armchair, and his eyes were closed, but step-by-step he regained control and opened his eyes fuzzily.

"Sorry… again," he sighed, and I looked over to the bed.

"Don't be."

"No, I am. I am so sorry." And when I looked into the eyes of my nemesis I could see it was completely true.

**A/N**

**This was originally a oneshot, but I thought it would be more fun as a story. And besides, seeing as I'm already planning a sequal… ;)**

**Do leave a review. Please, do. –Noel Fielding Eyes- If you don't know who he is, look him up and then see. I'm sure that will convince you on its own. But seriously, please. Any-hoo, till next time.**


	2. Truth

**A/N**

**Aaah! So many reviews already! It makes me so happy, seriously. I don't know who to choose! –sobs-**

**Errm… who was first? Ok, this is dedicated to wingedstranger because she is amazing. Thank you for your kind words.**

**Please do leave a review… I live for them. :)**

**Disclaimer: hahaha. You can't prove **_**anything**_

**Truth**

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

Waking up alone is always cruel, but waking up alone to the terrible realisation your lover is lying comatose in hospital is just plain _evil_.

Instead of gently making love to him, I staggered out of bed alone – though I hadn't had any sleep anyway. The only touch which greeted me that morning was the gentle caress of the water in the shower. The only sweet taste entering my mouth (instead of the intoxicating one which was _Haru_) was the honey I spread sloppily over some half-eaten toast. The only smell was that of dank, dirty washing and a cold house; I couldn't explain it, but even the _house _smelt like he had gone.

I was utterly, completely alone.

I didn't hear the phone ring; absorbed in my thoughts with my head in my hands no sounds penetrated. I jumped at the familiar voice. _"Hello," _it started, and I span around, looking, searching, desperate – until I realised it was just the answerphone. _"I'm having too much fun right now, so leave a message, wait your turn and I'll screw you later." _A smile played softly around my lips; if I closed my eyes I could almost imagine he was standing next to me saying that. A cold image of Haru lying deathly still on a bed shot into my mind and I snapped the lids open again.

"_Kyo?" _I frowned as I recognised the voice; why was that fucking Rat calling me? I remembered when I used to take out my anger on him… a fight sounded good right now. I felt the familiar adrenaline rush at his voice, my body primed for battle. _"I don't think you're out… you might be at the hospital." _He sighed; over the phone it was a rush of static. _"Alright, ignore me. I was just checking up on you, stupid Cat."_The phone clicked gently off, and I sat and stared at it for a while before my head fell back into my hands and my shoulders began to shake as I cried.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I stared at the gently-glowing screen of the phone, pressing the 'end call' button and sighing. I closed my eyes before snapping them open as white streaked across my vision; some distance away a loud rumble announced the approaching storm. I scooped up the last of my things and stepped off the bus, hurrying through the bustling streets as people scampered for shelter.

"Sensei!" One of my students – Seiyo Yokoto, I think – collapsed down next to me. He was cold and slightly damp but his eyes were burning. "These men… they're hurting my sister!" My eyes narrowed, and I nodded.

"Show me," I commanded, and we stepped out into the rain together. I knew instantly this was stupid; my chest was beginning to tighten, and I was soaked. I was in no position to fight anyone. But my stupid kind nature kept me going, and we ran through the puddles, slipping and sliding around the other commuters.

He led me down a small alleyway, and at the end there was a group of five men surrounding a young girl; her eyes burned brightly but she was on her knees, and her knuckles were grazed and bloody. One held her arms above her head, and another began to slowly unbutton her shirt.

"Bit wet to be out, isn't it, gentlemen?" One by one, almost comically, they turned to me. All were large and muscular, but none had noticed as I had shifted slightly, handing my books to Yokoto beside me, so that my centre of weight was low. One of them laughed and muttered something to his friend, who smiled, showing at least three golden teeth. I growled ferally; I saw Yokoto back away, frightened, in the corner of my eye. With another sinister smile and _one, two, three _precise blows three of them, eyes wide with shock, crumbled over, making a rather spectacular _thud _which echoed the rumble of the thunderclap above. The other two looked at each other, whimpered and bolted.

"Thank you!" the girl gasped, running forward, her arms open. My instincts took over and I pushed her away, cursing under my breath as she thudded to the ground. Yokoto looked at me, eyes wide and panicky, but I gave him my gentlest smile.

"Sorry, reflex," I lied, and he nodded slowly. I took my folders. "Looks like we're both going to be late today," I said, and he nodded again. "Shall we walk together?" Another nod. I had terrified the poor thing, but I was completely shattered; my chest was tightening with every step. I couldn't go to work like this. I made sure the two of them clambered onto a bus safely before collapsing into a taxi and giving him instructions for the Main House, chest convulsing all the way.

As I pulled up I barely had enough energy to collapse into Hatori's office before I passed out, another flash of light from the window illuminating the empty room as I fell.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

Hatori wasn't at the hospital, so I presumed he'd be at the Main House. I pulled up the collar on my rain jacket and, grumbling at the fatigue in my bones, walked into the increasing storm. Each step was heavy, each breath was harsh, but I eventually walked through the gates and into the inside; the first time I had entered for nearly a year. A historic moment for the Cat.

The servants gave me a wide berth – I didn't blame them – and I made it to Hatori's chambers quickly, and for the second time in as many days I found the stupid Rat collapsed in a heap on the floor. He hadn't transformed yet, but his breath was coming hard and his lips were slightly blue. Rolling my eyes and swearing under my breath I scooped him up and laid him out on the bed, tilting his head up to increase his air passage. His eyes flickered with a trace of some nightmare, and his chest heaved, but eventually his breathing settled again and evened out.

I jumped and hissed as another lightning bolt illuminated the room, followed by the roll of thunder. The rain increased momentarily, as if in agreement, beating at the window relentlessly, but wasn't granted entrance. I stuck my tongue at it, laughing at my immaturity, before jumping again as another laugh echoed around the cold room. I turned to the other occupier of the room, to find him propped up on one arm, hair tumbling around his face and eyes shining with mirth.

"Very grown-up," he teased, but unlike our previous 'heated' debates it wasn't spiteful. I smiled in concurrence and looked back out at the rain. "Sorry to do that to you again," he sighed, running a hand through sodden hair and shaking his hand out, sending droplets around the room. I growled slightly as one hit me, and he smiled again.

Framed in the gentle flashes from lightning, lips parted and hair tumbled, Yuki looked… sexy. I was surprised to realise it, but he did; I hadn't looked at him for a long time, and feeble as his frame looked hints of the strength underneath rippled through the lean muscles showing around his neck and arms… I found myself wondering what his skin tasted like; would it be soft and sweet, like his nature, or hard and sharp, like his fighting style? I slapped myself mentally, shaking away the disgusting thoughts.

But it was too late. My mind was wandering, and it took a _hell _of a lot to drag it back.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Kyo was staring at me, and the expression in his eyes made him look like he was about to pounce on me and devour me. It made my blood rate increase, my heart pounding, the lightning flashing through and sparking the electricity on his skin.

Then the moment was gone; he looked away, scowling at the floor. I smiled to myself, and he glared at me.

"What are you smirking at, you damn Rat?" he barked, and I sighed, compassion gone.

"Nothing, I was just wondering how you managed to masquerade yourself as an adult for all these years." I found the bitter retorts flowed back smoothly, my sarcastic wit rising to the top of my mind, laughing at me as it reminded me I had promised not to use it again. I glared at it, but this came out directed at Kyo; he growled angrily.

"Don't get all high and mighty with me!" he snapped, eyes glowing. "I just dragged you off the floor, whimpering like a baby, and saved you from suffocating!" I scowled slightly, staring at the floor, cursing my frail body.

"Now, boys, try not to fight. Some people around here are _trying _to work." Hatori regarded us from the doorway, leaning casually, a cigarette, non-committal, hanging from his dark lips. I scowled again, before regaining my polite demeanor.

"Sorry, Hatori. This stupid fool was simply being noisy." Kyo glared at me, and I smiled daintily back, but the little Cat looked remarkably hurt.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the Dragon asked, walking over to his desk. As if to answer I found my chest convulsing again and a cough ripped out. Kyo's eyes widened in shock, and his head snapped towards me, but Hatori didn't look up. "I see," he said smoothly. Approaching the bed again, he wrapped his stethoscope around his neck. "Take off your shirt," he commanded, busying himself putting on some plastic gloves. With a strange self-conscious glance at Kyo I did so, wincing as a bruise from my little _excursion_ earlier niggled at me.

"The rain… got too much for me," I lied, neglecting to mention the fight. Hatori had expressly forbidden any more battles after the last one I had with Kyo – years ago – had resulted in an attack which put me in bed for weeks. I still won, though. I had always won.

I winced slightly as the cold metal was pressed against my skin. "Breathe slowly," he instructed, listening carefully to my wheezing. He sighed and straightened up. "You need to be more careful," he warned, making a note on his clipboard. "I don't want to have to give you an inhaler again, but if you continue to be so reckless I'm not going to have a choice." I scowled at his words, but they hit deep; he was right, of course. I was being stupid. "You should be fine now, but one more attack like that and I'm going to issue an inhaler."

I nodded, sighed and pulled on my shirt, glad for the extra warmth; it was cold in the dark, empty room. Kyo was staring at the floor, a small scowl on his face as it contorted. Evidently he was thinking hard; I bit back a cruel retort and slid off the bed.

"Now, as for you…" Hatori said, turning to Kyo.

"I wanted to talk about Haru," he muttered, and all trace of cynicism disappeared as my past fears flew back to haunt me.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

It was bad enough him sitting there looking so damn _sexy_, then he goes and takes his shirt off! Bad thoughts, _bad thoughts!_ Haru's voice, unbidden, whispered through my mind… _"Naughty kitten_…_"_ he scolded gently, and I reminded myself of the task in hand. Hatori's head was angled towards me, eyes sparkling. After everything that had happened, I wasn't surprised he knew of my relationship with Haru. After all, it was him who had the misfortune of giving Haru and I the 'safe sex' talk, along with his fellow Mabudachi members – I suppressed a shudder at the memory.

"I knew that you would want to," he said, sighing and sitting back in his padded chair. I hugged myself with one arm, catching Yuki in the corner of my eye; he was dressing, but slowly. He wanted to hear what Hatori had to say as much as I did.

"You can stay," I said to him, giving him permission he gratefully accepted; his eyes glowed with thanks, but his posture remained aggressive, non-committal. He gently perched on the bed, and I leant against a door.

"The full extent of his injuries is very severe." Hatori's monotone voice echoed gravely around the space, filling my mind with whispers. "The only reason he has not transformed is because his body has simply become too weak." In the corner of my eye I saw Yuki leaning back onto the wall, hand over his mouth.

Hatori surveyed me over his spectacles, eyes dark but sorrowful. "I want it blunt," I decided, my voice cracking slightly as I tried to force the words out. The very concepts were beginning to hurt my mind.

"There is little chance he will wake." Beside me, Yuki gasped, his breathing becoming more erratic. I suppressed the sadness, for the moment.

"And if he does?" I whispered hoarsely. Hatori angled his head, sighed, and paced over to the window.

"If he does wake," he eventually said. "Then he will not be the Hatsuharu you knew." He turned to me again. "His physical state will be severely damaged. Mentally…" he sighed again. "Each day his mental state deteriorates."

Yuki took one final wheeze and coughed harshly. Hatori looked at him, sighed, walked over and helped him breathe it through. I watched them, my body feeling numb and distant, ears ringing, heart pounding. "So basically he's a vegetable," I murmured after some time. Hatori looked my way, and nodded once.

Yuki coughed again, gasping for breath, but I couldn't believe it. Haru… Haru, my darling Haru as a vegetable? It wasn't right! It wasn't possible! This was all some twisted, sick nightmare which I would wake from, wake to his face, his voice, his love… this wasn't happening!

But deep down, right down I knew it was.

And that's what made it more horrible than ever.

**A/N**

**Nnn… that was annoyingly difficult to write. –shrugs-**

**Hope you liked. Review. Go on, you know you want to.**


	3. Fever

**A/N**

**Hahaha, I'm updating totally the wrong story… -sighs-**

**Yey! I get to do another dedication! Well, let me think… oh, it has to be Oreo-chan, firstly for honouring me with her words and presence, and also for writing such a magnificent story.**

**Depending on the number of reviewers I have I may have to start doing to a chapter… it's not very fair, but I want to show you all how amazing it is when you do review.**

**I'm skipping my history coursework for this, so you'd better be thankful! Oh, and I would appreciate the address of a good FanArt website where I can get some pics of KyoYuki – I'm planning a vid but I need the resources first.**

**Anyway, enough of me babbling. I'm going to reveal the thing about Akito now; I have kind of ignored him (yes, 'he' is a 'he' here, and I have read 17) but no one seems to have asked about it. There is a good reason, I do try and make my plotlines work. Oh, and it is **_**so **_**nice to know I touch you… thank you so much! Ha, I just realised all my chapters are starting out as Kyo POV… haha.**

**Warnings: Kyo's naughty mouth, KyoxHaru, YukixHaru.**

**Alichay out.**

**Fever**

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

"_Love you." _Click. Bzzzt. Click. _"Love you_._" _Click. Bzzzt. Click. _"Love you." _Click. Click. Pause. Click. _"Screw you later_._"_

It's all I could hear of his voice.

* * *

A week… how the hell had I lived a whole fucking week without him? Looking back, I really have no idea. My only reason for living, lying comatose in a hospital…

I had no more tears left to cry. All I could do was… was nothing. I spent all my time simply staring into space, not really living _here _or _there_, and not going out. I hadn't managed to go to the hospital for days; I had hardly moved. My body was beginning to complain; my head was hurting from lack of water, my stomach had given up telling me to eat.

I was dying.

This shocked me, but only slightly. 'I' was no longer 'me' anymore; I didn't feel pain, I didn't feel sorrow, I didn't feel hunger, thirst, loss, fatigue… all of the things which define a person were no longer applicable to me. I just _was_, without any reason for being so. The world is cruel like that.

So, _so_ cruel.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Haru was gone. Haru was gone. I said it to myself again. "Haru has gone," I stated matter-of-factly, but the words seemed to contort on my mouth, a vile abhorrence to place them one after the other. It wasn't something it is possible to say – or should be possible to say.

The awful thing was it was true.

* * *

Poor Kyo. I pitied him. It took me a while to realise it, but I had pretty much guessed it wasn't hate any more. How could I hate him? He had loved Haru, perhaps even more than I had. I knew that he would be in a terrible state, but I couldn't quite bring myself to visit him; the idea of Kyo, crippled and broken, was not one which appealed to my mind. Seeing Kyo like that would destroy all my self-resolve; I was on the edge of a breakdown as it was.

I was _sick _of doing things because it benefited other people. I _deserved _to be selfish once in a while. Normally everything I do, work, play, love, _whatever_, was for other people. I hadn't told Haru I loved him because I knew he'd be happier with Kyo, and look where that got me; friendless, alone, and distraught. I wouldn't go to Kyo; partly because he wouldn't do it for me, and partly because it would destroy me.

* * *

I had promised myself _no_. I had _sworn _it to myself. I stood by Haru's bedside, and, after checking that Kyo definitely wasn't here – though I hadn't seen him for some time – I leant down gently and kissed him softly, just brushing my lips against his. They were cold, clammy and lifeless; the only rush of air between them was created from the artificial ventilator, not the web of flesh in his chest which _should _be supporting him.

"_Help him." _A memory flashed into the front of my mind; Kyo, hurt on the dojo floor, Haru, standing at my side, pleading me to be merciful. In the memory I kicked at the immobile body and walked off, but this time… _"Help him," _the voice asked again, more urgent. This time, a vision of an older Haru, bleeding, broken, arms held out to me in amongst a flash of light. His voice sounded far off, sad.

I pushed my eyes open; nothing but the off-white room, the immobile Haru and the gentle noises of the machinery which seemed amplified in the small space.

In the past, I shrugged him off. Now…

With an angry curse at myself under my breath I stalked out of the building.

* * *

I was too much of a do-gooder for my own good. I stood and looked up at the window, rain gently trickling over my face, dribbling between my eyes, along my nose, rolling across one cheek… I broke from my reverie as the cold and the wet bit into my bones, walking into the small shelter around the door. I snapped open the plastic bag of items which had been found with Haru and pulled out a key, pushing it into the lock and gently praying to whatever God exists – I know _mine _certainly doesn't – that it would open.

Thankfully, whoever _is _up there heard me this time, and the door swung open loudly. I stepped gratefully into the respective shelter of the building, the door quietly shutting behind me. The building was damp and dark, and I felt my breathing get slightly harder; I was a touch claustrophobic, and the stifling atmosphere was beginning to panic me. Shrugging off my fears and reminding myself what I was here for I set up off the steps.

The next door yielded to a different key. I slid the piece of metal in, turning it with bated breath. I had to try a few – silently I wondered what the others were for – before I found my goal and another door creaked open.

The inside of the flat was pitch black. I squinted, my eyes adjusting and switching to 'night mode' as I had been taught by Shishou somewhere along the line. I could make out the vague shape of a kitchen table, some pots, pans. Was that a sofa? I skirted it slowly, before something large and heavy made me fall flat on my face.

I cursed softly and pushed myself back up, adjusted eyes identifying it as the object of my searching. He lay, perfectly still, in dirty clothes, surrounded by mess and debris. His knuckles sported small scars; I looked at the wall and found slight dents in the plasterwork. His nails were torn and broken, and the dirt on his face was wiped aside by two long streaks of white running from his eyes, the real colour of his face shining through. I ran a pale finger down one of them, before sighing and straightening up.

First of all, some light.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I didn't remember falling asleep, but when I awoke I knew I was somewhere different. I felt fresher, and I was lying on something comfortable instead of the hard floorboards I had not exactly _chosen _for my collapse. I shifted again and winced as the cramp in my muscles set in.

White light pushed at my eyelids, making them glow red. I snapped them open and inspected my surroundings; as I had expected, it was not the flat. My clothes were neatly folded on the bottom of the bed, shoes precisely aligned at a ninety-degree angle to the bed.

Only one person I knew was as damned precise as that.

I realised I wasn't in my own clothes and looked down; I was naked apart from a baggy white shirt. I scowled and pushed myself up, but my head span and I flopped back down again.

"You're awake, then?" My worst fears were realised as the voice drifted in. I looked down the bed and saw him standing in the doorway, leaning casually on one side, but his eyes seemed concerned. He walked over and perched on the bed, placing a cool hand on my forehead, which I quickly slapped away. He smiled at a private joke and looked out of the large window dominating one wall. "You're a bit more spirited now, I see." He ran a critical eye across my face. "Your temperature's down, and you seem to be fine."

"Wh't h'p'n'd?" I croaked, cursing my feebleness.

He smiled at me. "You, baka neko, skipped meals. That means you get sick," he said. I scowled at him, which he misinterpreted. "Oh, I can simplify it more if you're going to be stupid. Not eating weakened your immune system and you got a fever."

"I know what not eating does!"… is what I tried to shout, pushing myself onto my elbows (which in itself made my head spin nauseatingly) but it came out as a defiant mumble. He smirked again and pushed me back down onto the bed.

"Yep, spirits definitely back up," he said again, but his smile was kinder than before. He looked at me fondly, and I wondered what exactly he had had to do to me.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Seeing him so mobile really made me happy. On one of those nights, when it was just me, him, a cold flannel and my prayers, I had worried he'd never wake up. He'd seemed fine when I got him home; I stripped him of his filthy clothes and washed him – quickly, to curtail my embarrassment – before lying him in my bed, setting up the futon in the living room. He had been fine for the first day, even waking long enough for me to baby-feed him, but then he had developed a fever.

I didn't want to bother Hatori, so I rode it out alone, feeding him paracetamol and keeping him as comfortable as I could. It was almost crushing, having to baby the only person I had really ever looked up to; it destroyed my hopes of recovering from this. I pushed the feelings down, and concentrated on getting Kyo better; I could have an emotional breakdown in my own time.

He scowled at me, but I rolled my eyes, stalking out of the room. I returned with some soup, carefully laying the tray down on the floor before helping him into a sitting position. He glared at me for babying him, but we both knew he couldn't manage this on his own. I sat down on the bed next to him, pulling the tray onto my lap. I pushed some of the soup onto a spoon and placed it to his lips; he opened his mouth to protest and I pushed it in. It was swallow or choke; he regretfully swallowed, glaring at me when I dunked the spoon in to get more.

"I'm not that pathetic," he mumbled out, but I raised an eyebrow sceptically.

"That was almost a sentence!" I gasped mockingly. He glared at me. "We'll get onto prose when you have something to eat," I cajoled, and unwillingly he opened his mouth to let me push the spoon in again. He scowled at me, but I replied with a sweet smile and another spoonful of soup.

It didn't take long for us to reach the bottom of the bowl, and I took the tray back into the kitchen before returning with a bottle of 'flu medicine. He glowered at me and I poured the evil glop onto a spoon, forcing it between pink, chafed lips. He made a face but swallowed it down. I smiled; it was good to see him looking so active again.

"Thanks," he muttered. "I don't know why you did it, but thanks."

I cocked my head to one side, watching him carefully, before sighing and turning my attention back to the window. "I didn't do it for you, or for me." He turned to look at me, but I kept my eyes on the window. "I did it for Haru," I muttered, voice almost a whisper. "I get the feeling… that's what he wants me to do," I finished lamely, but when I looked at him instead of the cruel retort I expected he was looking at me with complete comprehension.

"I know exactly how you feel."

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

It was humiliating, _disgusting_, to be babied by my arch nemesis.

But I was entirely grateful.

He looked at me again, a question causing his soft lips to part again, before his conscience told him better and he closed the parted petals again.

"What is it?" I asked him, against my better judgement. His mouth opened again, letting out a small gush of air, glittering eyes glowing with concern.

"I don't think you'll want to tell me." His eyes were showing such… care; I never thought _Yuki _of all people would ever look at me like that. I again found myself wondering what he had done for me the last few days, a blush half-forming on my face.

"I owe you at least one question," I encouraged, against what everything inside was telling me.

"I never really found out what you did to Akito." The question was so quiet I deceived myself I hadn't heard it properly, but knew all too well what he was asking. He heard my sigh and his eyes widened in shock. "You don't have to tell me, I mean I can't imagine what he did and it's really hard and I'm so sorry - "

I placed a finger gently on his lips, quieting him instantly. His eyes, still wide and flustered, met mine and held them for a moment. I heard my heartbeat increase, and felt his lips trembling under my touch. He poked a pink tongue out to moisten them, unwittingly rubbing against my finger, sending a bolt of electricity down to my stomach. He quickly snapped it back, and unconsciously I shifted closer to him on the bed.

The moment was shattered as he snapped his eyes away, blushing, body radiating guilt and pain. "I'll tell you, if you really want me to," I muttered after a few moments of agonising silence. He turned to me, eyes wide, saying nothing but silently urging me to continue.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. "I expect you know what he did to me." Yuki looked at me, eyes still wide. "He locked me away, and beat me," I added, just in case. His eyes closed, but after a moment they snapped open, encouragingly.

I continued.

_I couldn't be apart from him. The physical pain was _nothing _to that. Absolutely nothing._

_And then it occurred to me. So completely obvious was the thought it took me a while to convince myself it would work._

_Convincing Hatori was difficult, but he of all people knew how terrible it is to be separated from the person you love. Shigure was easier to sway and Aaya was happy as long as he could see how it would help Yuki._

_I walked down the corridor, fingers interlocked with Haru's, standing to my right, Hatori walking to my left. My resolve was absolute._

"_What are you doing?" he screamed at us from the moment we entered the room. "Hatori! Stop him!" Shigure casually stuck out a strong arm, entrapping him on the floor. On the other side, Aaya pinned him down. He cast about wildly, floundering pathetically. Haru leant over my shoulder and kissed me softly. "HARU! Stop it!" he screamed, but Black Haru regarded him coldly._

"_Never," he whispered, lacing his fingers again with mine. "I love you," he whispered in my ear, shooting electricity through my body and strengthening my resolve._

_I turned to Hatori, standing behind me. He was so important in this, it was almost impossible to express in words. His face was stoic, but his showing eye was troubled. "Please," I whispered, and he turned his head toward me. "I know it's hard, but you have to fight it." I held out my other hand. Everything mattered in this. Absolutely everything._

_Hatori stepped forward._

"_What are you doing? Hatori, stop it! STOP IT! I _command _you to STOP!"_

_A scream. Terrible silence. He slumped down, lifeless._

_It was over._

Yuki regarded me incredulously. "You really did that?" he asked, awed. "That was so brave." I smiled bashfully.

"It had to be done, and as the _monster _of the Zodiac I was the only one who could carry it out." My eyes glowed with bitter hate for a moment, before the anger receded and I smiled at him again.

"So where is Akito now?" he asked, eyes still wide and admiring.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't know, don't give. Hatori put him somewhere."

"I hope it's the cage," Yuki murmured quietly, and his voice was cold, malicious. When I looked at him he was almost shaking with hate. "I hope he gets locked in there _forever_."

"No," I said quietly. He looked at me, eyes wide. "We have to forgive him." The amethysts burned angrily with a hate quite unlike their nature. "If we don't we're as bad as him."

He nodded and sighed. "I know what you mean." He looked back out of the window. "I hope I can become a good enough person to forgive him," he said quietly.

"You are a good person," I muttered, and he turned to look at me, eyes wide.

"Thank you," he whispered. He looked over towards the window again. "Thank you so much."

**A/N**

**I have a 6-page policy for this story… I'm not allowed to write less… heh.**

**Well… what do you think? The last bit was rubbish and soppy, but it had to be done.**

**-pokes with Shigure plushie- Come on, review. You know you want to.**

**A note on translation: 'baka neko' translates as 'stupid cat'.**


	4. Senses

**A/N**

**Ahahaha… as I write this author's note I have no idea which story I am updating… hahaha… god, I'm insane. And don't I know it… yes, that is sort of the point…**

**-shakes head vigorously-**

**I'm sure you didn't click to hear my insane ramblings, so here's the next chapter. Soppy as the title of this story is, it's part of a quote which inspired me, and I will write it in the very last chapter as the ending quote… but a prize if you know what it's from beforehand!**

**The 6 page policy continues! Though I have no idea what this chapter will be about… hmmm…I suppose things will occur to me! –crosses fingers-**

**Dedicated to… aaah… err… mousecat, for kind words and great support, thank you!**

**Disclaimer: if it really was, then this would be happening in the books and I wouldn't need to write this story… go figure.**

**Senses**

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Yet again I found my hand involuntarily wandering across his face, gently worshipping the smooth cheek, the perfect nose, the wonderfully long eyelashes… part of my mind wondered what he would _smell_like, what he would _taste _like… I wanted to worship _every _part of his body, to feel him, to _be _him…

How disgusting was I?

It wasn't that Kyo was a guy. I mean, I'd had my suspicions about my sexuality ever since 'spin the bottle' in our last year of school, and the hasty kiss I'd shared with Kakeru. It wasn't the fact Kyo was my cousin; we were as closely related as Haru and Kyo, after all, and there was nothing wrong with their relationship. It wasn't even the fact Kyo was the Cat; that stupid religious superstition had vanished with Akito.

It was the fact it was _Kyo_. This was just… Kyo. Firstly he was supposedly Haru's lover, and though I suppose he was somewhat _misplaced _at this moment in time – an image of Haru, bloodied and broken sprang to mind, and I suppressed a shudder. It was just the _principle _of it. Because it was _Kyo_, I wouldn't let myself do it.

Said Cat's face twitched as my hand tickled the edge of his nose; I froze. At this point in time I was propped up on one elbow, body pressing into his, eyes burning intently at his face. If he woke up now he would probably kill me.

He threw his arm across my waist and buried his head into my chest. "Kyo," I muttered, trying to dislodge him, only to find it clench harder, his face worrying further.

"Shut up, stupid rat… just… go t' sl'p…" he muttered, drifting off again. My heart thudded painfully as his breathing evened out. He felt so wonderful, pressed against me and clinging. I gently wrapped my arms around him, his heady scent sending my senses soaring as my face burrowed into his hair and I followed his example.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I woke to a wonderful smell.

It took me a moment to place it; it wasn't Haru (a familiar, yet somehow dulled stab of pain accompanied this), it wasn't food… it was something I knew very well, but was still hard to place. I thought I caught a scent of lilacs before I pushed my arms open.

It was Yuki.

His head was close to mine, draped over my shoulder. Our chests touched, bodies intertwined at several places. He mumbled slightly in his sleep and pushed his face against my neck, trying to block the sunlight pouring in through the large window. Unfortunately, this small shift had resulted in his soft breath whispering gently against _that _point in my neck, and his legs were twisted and tumbled around my own.

I gulped at the incredibly provocative position we were in. I had to get him away from me. This wasn't _right_! Haru… Haru! Haru was lying comatose and I was cuddling his best friend? It was so disgusting! Again he shifted in his sleep, rubbing our waists together momentarily; I suppressed a groan. I felt awful, even though it was just my feral instincts taking place, forgetting it was Yuki… it still felt disgusting to be responding to such urges.

I gently teased his arms from around my waist, laying him softly onto the bed. His nose twitched, eyes flickered once, but he didn't wake. I decided it was time to explore, wandering around the breezy corridor. Everything was kept perfect, and everything was full of books. They were everywhere; haphazard piles (whose angles seemed to be _precisely _measured), bookcases, shelves… there wasn't anywhere in any room which didn't have books. Even the bathroom had a few lying on the floor.

I pushed open the shower rail, reaching inside and turning it on. Grateful for the relaxing hot water, I stepped in, rushing across my body softly. I spent at least half an hour in there, maybe more; I thought I heard the door open at one point, but when I turned around there was no one there.

When I stepped out of the shower the first thing my eyes met was my clothes, neatly piled beside the door.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

For the first few moments I was terrified. I had woken up alone, and though still sluggish his name had pierced through the fog like… like a knife through sodium. I laughed to myself at my analogy, before staggering out of bed and glancing around. I heard the soft trickle of water and tracked it down to the bathroom; he must be in the shower. It was good to see him moving around on his own again.

I returned to the bedroom and pulled his clothes out from the bottom of the wardrobe, neatly folded, and knocked tentatively on the bathroom door. I didn't receive an answer, so inched the door open a crack, sliding in and laying the clothes down on the floor.

I hadn't meant to look. Honestly. I just meant to come in with the clothes and leave. But _you _know how it is, when there's something which you _definetly _shouldn't look at, your eyes get drawn to it until your head hurts from focusing on not looking at it. I found my eyes wandering over, and _what _a sight.

The water trickled over every muscle, every peak and valley, skin hard and tough and still looking so soft. I stood, frozen to the spot, _terrified _he was going to turn around, for five heartbeats, until I dragged myself out of the room, collapsing onto the hard floorboards of the corridor outside.

What was _wrong _with me?

For a few moments all I could see was _him_, before I regained my composure and a pain from my right hand began to make me see sense. I looked at it, seeing an angry bruise and a small spelk. Frowning in annoyance at the fragment of wood I realised my first aid kit was in the bathroom. There was _no _way I was going back in there. I walked down the hallway, into the kitchen, checking phone messages and emails before slumping back in the seat I had collapsed into.

I must have drifted off, because when I snapped my eyes open Kyo was standing in front of me, naked from the waist up, hair dripping from the shower as he rubbed it vigorously with a towel. He had the most wonderful expression on his face; somehow nonchalant, concentrated and sweet at the same moment.

"Bathroom's free," he commented, wandering over to the side and pulling out various kitchen pots. "What do you want for breakfast?"

It took me a moment to steady myself into a reply. "Erm… anything, really. There's some leftovers in the fridge, you could just heat them up…"

He turned to me. "I'm going to cook some ramen for me, do you want some?" I nodded dumbly before turning around and walking out of the room, grasping the first aid kit and some tweezers from the bathroom before steadying myself on my bed.

I had a terrible reputation with splinters; I tended to faint either from the concept or the actual motion of pulling the piece of wood out. Wincing, left hand trembling, I inched the tweezers towards the spelk. I clasped it firmly, and began to pull. The pain seared at my mind, and I felt myself begin to feel dizzy. I sat, breathing heavily, for what seemed like forever before Kyo walked in.

"Breakfast's out – oh, what's up?" Before I could reply he knelt on the floor in front of me, grabbing my hand for inspection. "Splinter? Nasty." He scooped up the tweezers from the bed and before I could think to protest in one fluid motion he extracted the stupid piece of wood.

I sat and stared at it for a moment, before smiling. He looked up, eyes wide and innocent. "How _did _you do that?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"It's a knack, I guess. All those times landing on a wooden dojo floor… I had to remove them somehow." His eyes glittered slightly darker for a moment before he stood and scratched the back of his head. "You coming?" His tone was steadily creeping back to the coldness I always recognised, and I nodded hurriedly, wanting to prolong this rare moment of peace.

For the most we sat in silence, eating to our own thoughts, before Kyo glanced over at me. "Does Hatori know I'm here?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. I didn't tell him, anyway."

Kyo frowned. "Then how come I was wearing his shirt?" My mind froze for a moment before I remembered the only shirt I had been able to find which vaguely fitted Kyo on first arrival; one of Hatori's. His eyes widened. "You guys aren't… are you?" His voice sounded incredulous, and I realised what he was implying.

"No! No, stupid Cat, we're not." The very concept of it made my head spin. "I transformed at Hatori's once, and he wrapped me in a shirt to bring me back." Kyo nodded slightly and fiddled with his food.

"Do you think… it's true about Haru?" My stomach gave an involuntary clench, and I managed a nod. "We can't even call him Haru any more. He's _nothing_ of who Haru is. Was."

I wanted to do something, reach over and comfort him, maybe even give a friendly pat on the back, but I just sat there, staring at my knees. After a while I managed to pluck up the courage to ask the question I knew was pressing at the back of both our minds. "Do you think… it might be kinder… just to… let him…" I couldn't say it. His head snapped up and although his eyes shone with anger I saw he had also considered this.

"No!" he snapped. "That's disgusting!" he spat, turning his head away. I felt ashamed, but I knew one of us needed to say it. The pain in his eyes told me I wasn't the only one to have considered it. Again I suppressed the urge to walk over and hug him.

I stood up abruptly. "I should go to work," I said distantly, wondering how much work I'd missed and how I'd ever explain myself. Family issues… that had always worked in the past. I momentarily cursed my family name before thinking how fortunate it was I was a Sohma; anyone else would have already been fired.

"What do you do?" Kyo asked, taking a surprising amount of interest.

"I teach," I said absently, thinking about the classes I had that day. I heard his inhalation of breath and saw his eyebrows rise. "Weird, eh?" I grinned. "Now, if you'll excuse me." I walked out of the room and down the corridor, heart beating painfully all the way.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I watched his retreating form with something which might have been regret, before turning back to my ramen. I knew I should eat something, lest I got sick again; I'd already been a massive burden. Then again, the Rat didn't seem exactly unhappy to have me staying; if anything, he'd been perfectly accommodating.

I suppose I did deserve a little credit. I was the one who hugged him, last night… again I tried to convince myself it was just because I had thought it was Haru. Unfortunately, I wasn't having any of it.

I thought back to our previous conversation and realized that when the thought occurred to me Yuki might be in a relationship I had felt jealous. I tried to believe it was just because he _had _a relationship, and that I wasn't jealous of _who _he was having it with…

Unfortunately I know myself too well, and quite frankly I knew it was a load of bullshit.

* * *

I stood and stared at the immobile form, not entirely sure what to do. "You should try talking to him," the 'helpful' nurse had instructed me. "He can still hear you."

I sat down next to him, shifting uncomfortably. "Hello. Haru? It's me… Kyo. Can you hear me?" There was nothing. I suppose I had thought I wasn't really expecting anything, but the sense of disappointment I now felt told me I'd had my hopes up. "I'm… okay. Well, I wouldn't have been if it wasn't for Yuki. He… he had to take me in for a while." Nothing. Ah well. At least it got my thoughts into the open. "I got sick… but I'm better." I tried grasping his hand, but it was so still and clammy it just felt horrible.

"Now all we have to do is get you better, okay?" Again, no response. I sat back in my chair, staring at his pale face, and for a moment I thought I saw the whisper of a smile… no, just the light. "Yuki's been okay, actually. Weirdly enough. He's worried about you, though. We all are. I haven't been fighting with him, just like I promised. He's still a bit sarky, but otherwise…"

I tried to keep my mind away from the terrible pointlessness of this conversation. "He had a splinter today, and I helped him get it out. I think it scared him more than he wants to admit, though." I chuckled to myself. "Imagine that! The mighty Rat scared by a splinter."

"_Stop calling him that. He does have a name, you know." Haru stared at me critically, and I rolled my eyes._

"_Fine. _Yuki_ called when you were out. He wants to meet up with you." Haru smiled softly._

"_Thanks, kitten."_

"I know… I know he's more than the Rat now."

Much more.

It was then that it occurred to me.

I think…

I think…

I think that I'm in love with Yuki Sohma.

**A/N**

**And so it's Kyo that admits first! Or is it? I might write it so that the next chapter is from Yuki POV… and they both think it at the same moment…**

**Ha, weird chapter. I was going to say something but I've forgotten. Ha, senile dementia at 15. –shakes head sadly- -pokes- review? You get dedications! And cybercookies! And sometimes even plushies!**


	5. Rose

**A/N**

**I should really stop going into update overdrive… I'm just going to run out of inspiration… -sighs-**

**Dedicated to… Rem10124, for being so amazing and loyal.**

**Disclaimer: hahaha.**

**Rose**

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I stepped out of the door and glanced back once to look at him. His face was impassive but his eyes were troubled, and I could tell he was going to the hospital again. I wasn't sure how, but I just _knew_. I was worried about last night, and whether he was regretting something… I was scared. Scared for him, and scared for me. I was scared about how far this was going to go. The thing I was most scared about was whether this was right.

No, that's a lie. That's not what I was most scared about.

That thought was so terrifying I didn't think I could face it.

Teaching took my mind off things for a while; I had an unusual class, too, because I was substituting a history class, and when one of the pupils asked for help it became evident that none of them really knew what they were doing, so I gave them a crash course. It kept my mind away from my own life, at least, teaching the innocent faces about the people of the past. I lost myself in the descriptions, the facts, the dates, and didn't emerge until the bell announced the end of the period and the beginning of my own class.

Setting essay writing was easy enough, but it meant my mind went drifting again. I caught vague glimpses of my nightmare from last night; Akito's eyes taunted me, Haru's broken face stabbed at me…

And Kyo's lustful gaze burned me.

Nightmare… ha, that was no _nightmare_. That had been… wonderful. I had actually _enjoyed _it. God, he did have the most wonderful red eyes… they just sort of sat there and smouldered on their own, no matter what emotion he was feeling. He was so full of passion, I wanted to be near him just so I could feel his warmth and love radiating off him. I felt alone in the cold classroom, with nothing but the scratching of pens to keep me company. I would have given _anything _to hear his voice then.

This was something I had to face up to. I couldn't keep running from it any longer.

Love.

The Rat… in love… with the Cat.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I felt curiously distant as I stared out of the window. The clouds were blocking out the sun again, and I felt myself longing for its golden rays. Sighing, I turned to my lover lying on the bed, and kissed his forehead softly.

This motion caught something in the corner of my eye. I straightened up to clarify it, and found a single white rose sitting by his bed, neatly placed diagonally across the side table. I frowned slightly. I hadn't brought it; I knew his favourite flower. Yuki hadn't left the house for the past week, nursing me, so there was no chance he'd brought it. Hatori wasn't the type of person to bring flowers.

Rin.

I hadn't seen her since… since… well, I hadn't seen Rin for as long as I hadn't seen Akito. She'd run off and hadn't really spoken to us after that… my teeth found my lip and I walked out of the off-white room, stopping at reception.

"Has anyone else been here recently?" I asked the ultra-blonde receptionist, who paused her steady clacking to glare at me disapprovingly, and then replying with a curt nod. I felt myself become slightly exasperated. "Well, could you tell me what they looked like? Male? Female? Leprechaun? Giant badger?"

She let out an effeminate sigh and rolled her eyes at me. "Female, around… oh, 20, long, black hair." The clacking resumed.

It had been Rin then. I wondered when she'd been, but another glance at the unhelpful receptionist told me that it wouldn't be beneficial to continue that line of questioning. "Could you give me a call if she comes back?" The receptionist's nails paused, and her eyes snapped back to me, before indicating a small pile of post-it's and a biro.

As I picked it up I stared at the fluorescent yellow for a moment. Which number to write? I didn't think I'd be going back to the flat… and I didn't know Yuki's number. I finally jotted down my mobile and tore off the adhesive, sticking it across her right hand and walking away.

I half-wondered what I'd say to Rin if I saw her again, and also was slightly curious about how she found out about Haru. Probably through Hatori, I decided. My mind wandered towards Yuki again.

It had been doing that a lot lately.

Having a stupid little crush on the damn Rat was incredibly annoying. I mean, it's not like he's attractive or anything, with those scrawny little arms, creamy skin, glowing eyes… I mentally slapped myself again. Damn, even when I tried to _insult _him I drooled all down my T-shirt. _Not _a good sign.

I wondered whether he'd let me stay at his flat for much longer. He hadn't exactly shoved me out the door, but then again he hadn't embraced me with open arms.

That was a lie.

He'd given up his time, his work, his bed for me, asking absolutely nothing in return.

I couldn't help but wonder why.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I couldn't help but wonder why.

The only logical explanation answer to that one-word question was a three-word sentence which I didn't want to say, think, or even regard dispassionately. It was entirely impossible, me loving Kyo. He was obnoxious, loud, aggressive, passionate, caring, beautiful…

Damn.

I had it _bad_.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I got back to the flat much earlier than him, and found an envelope behind the plant pot outside the doorway. Ripping it open, a small silver key tumbled into my hand.

That was unexpected.

I peered in, expecting a note or _something_, but there was nothing. I shook my head, sighed, and walked inside the flat, leaving the key on the table in the dining room and switching on the TV. I wasted time for a few hours, watching the music channel and the news, and when 6 o'clock finally came I stared with nervous apprehension at the door.

I waited.

6:30.

And waited.

7 o'clock.

And waited.

7:30.

My pacing had become frantic now, lapping the room at an almost jog. I didn't have the stupid Rat's mobile, so I couldn't call him. I'd nearly called Hatori to see if he'd gone to the main house, but I'd probably just worry him.

It had turned 9 before the Rat came in the door, a glow in his bright eyes but his hair bedraggled and his shirt torn.

"What the fuck happened?" I screamed at him as soon as he walked in. He glared at me and walked right past me into the bedroom.

I stood and stared at the closed door.

"Yuki?" I asked quietly to the smooth surface. There was no answer; after a while I tried to turn the handle, but it was locked.

"Go away," his voice crept in from the room.

"Stupid Rat, you should know that's only going to get me more likely to come in!" I snapped, and rattled the handle again.

"Please." His voice was so tired and flat, it was beginning to scare me. "Just leave me alone."

I slumped against the door, sliding down it till I was sitting on the floor, facing the wall opposite. "Yuki, shutting yourself away isn't going to help anyone." There was no answer, and I sighed again, head thunking back onto the wood. "Please," I asked quietly, and got nothing.

I fell backwards and found myself staring up at Yuki.

I sprang to my feet, ready for a shouting match, but Yuki just stared at me with drawn eyes. "Only because it's you," he said quietly and turned back inside. He slumped down on the bed and stared at the floor, his head hung low. I perched beside him.

"Do you want to tell me, or do you just want me to stay?" He turned to me with tear filled eyes which soon spilt over onto pale cheekbones. I reflexively lifted my hand, wiping them away gently. "Don't cry," I whispered, and pulled him roughly into a hug, to which he began to audibly sob. This wasn't like Yuki. I was beginning to get scared. "Please don't cry." I could hear my voice begin to get panicky, but he had his face buried deep into my shirt and I don't think he heard me.

"Don't… don't… don't let him…" his voice was breaking, and he was still sobbing helplessly.

"Don't let who?" This only seemed to result in more sobs. "Sshh… look, calm down. It's going to be okay. I'm here. Just stop crying." I rocked him gently, wondering what could have happened to make him so upset.

Then it hit me.

"_I hope I can become a good enough person to forgive him."_

"You went to see Akito, didn't you?" He didn't answer as much, just buried my head a little further into my chest, but I could tell that I was right. "You stupid Rat," I sighed, and he peered angrily up at me with red eyes.

"I didn't ask you in so you could insult me," he snapped, and I noticed he was pouting slightly. He looked so _adorable_.

"No, I know. And it's not insulting, it's stating fact. You were stupid to go and see him without me," I said quietly and his eyes widened.

"But… I was scared that he'd take you away," he said quietly. I felt my throat clench as dark rooms and tight bonds flashed at my mind, always hiding, always hating…

"Then you're more of a fool than I took you to be," I said quietly, burrowing my face into his hair, my arms wrapped protectively around his shaking frame. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I need to talk to you about that," Yuki's voice came quietly from somewhere around my midriff. I looked down, but he avoided my eye.

"So do I," I admitted.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

The poor Cat looked incredibly embarrassed. Then again, I had just burst into tears onto his favourite T-shirt, after admitting to seeing our worst enemy. "Seeing as Haru was the only person with a job…"

"You don't have anyone to pay the rent," I finished, and he nodded, blushing slightly. I loved it when he blushed; the fire would spread across his face, and his eyes would positively _glow_. He looked so radiant. "Well, it does get a little lonely here on my own…" I said, and he looked at me again, and he looked so hopeful I couldn't say no. After sighing theatrically and rolling my eyes, I nodded. "Fine."

"Oh, thanks, look, I'm – "

I cut him off with an irritable wave of my hand. "Yeah, I know. But you do cooking and cleaning," I said with a smile. He smiled gently back at me (I felt myself go a little weak around the knees) and ruffled my hair.

"Baka," he whispered.

And then we were staring at each other. Just captured by each other's gaze, his red eyes burning into me and mine burning into him. I wanted to tear away – I didn't want to tear away – I wanted to kiss him – I didn't want to kiss him – I wanted to move – I didn't want to move –

The phone rang.

We sat and stared at each other for a moment, before I blinked heavily and staggered over to it.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

Damn.

Just when things were getting interesting, too.

Then again, if I'd been in that position for much longer, let's just say this bed wouldn't have been too happy about it by the end.

**A/N**

**Whew! That was fun… they're slowly falling for each other… awww… -pokes with stick- KISS, YOU FOOLS!**

**Kyo & Yuki: … die.**

**Yup. This writing thing is harder than I thought it would be…**

**Note on translation:**

**Baka – fool/idiot… I'm sure I've written that before. –shakes head-**


	6. Saving Me

**A/N**

**Awww… so many kind people! YukiKyo is sooo good though… -grins to self-**

**Hopefully after this update I will have 200,000 words… I did before I deleted some of my smutty stuff…**

**Dedicated to… aaaaaaaaa… reenastar, because she's new and she reviewed twice! –glomps-**

**Warnings this chapter: inexplicit masturbation and wet dream (lol), YukiKyo (at last! –grins-) bad language,**

**Disclaimer: -sniggers-**

**Saving Me**

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I had a dream last night.

I also had a nightmare, but I could tie them together really. They were one and the same. It is a matter of opinion whether a dream involving hot sweaty sex with Kyo is my most longed-for dream or my worst nightmare. In any other situation I'd argue for the former, but seeing as the man I had just imagined was lying two doors down the corridor as I scorched my body with ice cold water to try and forget it was a complete and utter nightmare.

This was all getting horribly out of control.

I spent absolute _hours _in that shower, but absolutely nothing worked. Absolutely _nothing_. I tried to get around it, to stop it, but in the end it was all I could do to slump down to the bottom of that icy stream and stare up at the drops pittering on my face, hand inevitably trailing down, sinful action worshipping sinful urges, agonised scream-groans erupting as every little touch killed and revived me, a terrible ringing scream echoing through the room as I finally stopped my torment.

It just made me feel all the more disgusting.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

Oh dear God.

Oh dear fucking _God._

_Fuck._

He… his hand… shower… my name… me…

God.

Fuck.

_God._

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I stared at the ceiling for some time, the cold water still washing over my body and draining all of the evidence away.

I could only watch as my unconquerable lust slowly trickled away down the small, innocent silver hole at the base of the pure white. All I could think was how I had ever sunk to that level, and how the _hell _I was going to face Kyo the next time I saw him.

Eventually I felt my chest tighten in protest at being exposed to such a great amount of cold for such a large time, and I forced myself up, shutting off the shower with a sigh and wrapping a towel around my waist.

I stared at myself in the mirror, amethysts watching amethysts. I became trapped in my own reflection, reading my own thoughts through the shimmering surface; the remnant of the lust edged into the corners of my eyes and I blinked, but it had gone. The backs of my legs were tingling, and my heartbeat was racing, just like there was someone behind me; I surveyed the mirror but found this not to be the case. I was just being paranoid. Either that or it was the remnants of my previous activities on my system.

I shifted the towel slightly on my hips, closed my eyes and marched out of the room.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

My mind was still spinning. Oh, _shit_. There was something equally repulsive and intoxicating about the thought that I had made Yuki horny… horny enough to actually… actually… actually _come _from the mere thought of me. Jesus, this was bad. Very, very bad.

He came out of the bathroom with only a tiny towel on, very carefully avoiding my eyes. "Bathroom's free," he muttered, but I couldn't hear him.

The Gods were against me again.

A small bead of water was forming on his shoulder. It had innocently dribbled down from his soaking grey hair, resting on that wonderful creamy peak and glaring at me evilly, as much as a water droplet could glare. I realised I was supposed to say something to him, and only hoped a dumb nod would suffice as I _could not think_. The Gods smirked at me again as another droplet formed, dribbling down to meet its twin on his shoulder. I couldn't take my eyes off it, dread building in my throat until there was nothing left but lust and fear. I was aware Yuki was probably staring at me, and I was staring at him, but oh my God I could only think about that little particle of H2O and how it was mocking me so.

I cracked open my lips, but my throat was horribly sealed. My tongue wouldn't move. My heart would only race. My mind had frozen. My body was immobile. Everything stopped as that one droplet gathered.

And then gravity took hold, and I was lost.

Somehow slow and fast simultaneously it tracked a tantalising path across his chest, actually running across one of those _wonderful _dark circles, the only obscurity on that expanse. Oh, God. Oh, _God_. It went lower, gravity finally moving it across that one extrusion, past the subtly powerful muscles, down, down, _down_, and then it vanished under that frustrating white.

And I realised just how much I wanted to rip that towel away so I could see the continuation of the journey.

"I'm going out," I choked, grabbing my keys off the table beside me. I had to get _out_, get _away_, oh God, anything but _that…_

I half heard Yuki's fleeting cries of protest but then I was gone.

I sprinted out of the flat, just removing myself from the temptation. I lost track of direction, people, places; I just ran and ran and ran and ran, away, away, _away _from _that _and _him _and _oh my God_…

I finally slumped down, my head in my hands, against some obscure brick wall in some suburban estate which I knew nothing about, apart from the fact it stank of piss and there was a rather angry looking woman glaring at me from the next alleyway. I ignored her scornful glare and tried to suppress the inevitable tightening I had found down below.

My mouth struggled to take in lungfuls of air, lips closing over empty air frantically. I rested my head back against the grimy wall and stared at the slit of blue, calming my body down, my mind down, my soul down.

Finally my eyes drifted back to the woman in the other alleyway leading off; something was annoying me about her, something niggling at me in the back of my mind.

Oh my God.

Oh my _fucking God_.

"Rin," I gasped, eyes widening. She simply glared at me.

"One week. One whole fucking week! You piece of _shit_, Kyo! I only left him alone because you promised you would never leave him alone!" Her eyes blazed.

"Rin, I'm sorry, I was ill - "

"You make _excuses_? God, Kyo, you're worse than I could imagine. It was enough you're living with _Yuki fucking Sohma _but you have the cheek to _come here _and tell _me _why you _deserted Haru_!" There was no sadness in those eyes. Hate had consumed Rin.

"I haven't deserted Haru, Rin! I'm just living with Yuki because I have no choice!" I snorted and looked aside. "God, you don't think I actually _like _that freak, do you? He's an easy source of money, and I don't have to pay the bills! Fuck, Rin! Grow up!"

"I heard about that whole 'saving you' thing. How _pathetic_," she sneered. "He doesn't give a shit about you, Kyo. He loved Haru. He still loves Haru. He's doing this all for Haru." My throat clenched. That wasn't true… that can't be true… what about everything else? Everything… that wasn't just a lie, was it? A lie to make me think he cared for me? A lie so that I would stay? What kind of perverted game was he playing with me?

I only realised I'd lost track of my thoughts when I realised Rin was no longer here with me. All I could think of was him.

And it was killing me.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I was so scared.

Had Kyo heard that? Was that why he'd run off? Oh God, I was an arse. That was not what he needed. I'd made a complete mess of everything.

My heart leapt when he came in, until I saw his face. Then I saw how completely angry he was. I only took a moment to notice how wonderfully his eyes blazed when he was angry, before it became horrifically evident this anger was directed at me when the vase just missed my ear.

"You bastard!" He was screaming, eyes wild, pacing frantically. "You complete and utter _bastard_!"

"Kyo, what is it? What's wrong? Kyo, stop it!" I dodged another nameless ornament reflexively, but this anger was usurping my reflexes and one more near-miss wouldn't work.

"All this time! All this time you just played me! God, am I that much worse than you?" He was really upset, but so was I; the tears were beginning to swell at the bottom of my eyes.

"Kyo, I don't understand what you mean! Kyo, you're not worse than me, I - "

"Shut up, damn you, _shut up_!" Another smash. The tears spilt over for him, and I frantically tried to keep them back. "You're just fucking with me all the time! Yuki, I can't take it! I can't fucking take it any more!"

"What is going on, Kyo? What's happened to make you so upset?"

He snorted at my attempt at rationality. "Yeah, Yuki, just take the moral high ground. Just presume it's not _you _I'm upset about."

My heart froze.

"Kyo…" I whispered. He knows. He must know. Oh God. "Kyo, I'm sorry…"

"Finally, the smartarse gets it." His eyes glowed.

"Kyo… I'm so sorry…"

"I don't want to hear that from you. Shut _up_!" He wasn't listening any more. "God, Yuki, I didn't think it was possible I could hate you any more, but you managed to prove me wrong again!"

"Don't, Kyo, I don't hate you - "

"Shut up! You hate me, you've always hated me and you will always hate me!"

"KYO, I LOVE YOU!"

_Fuck._

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

He clapped his hand across his mouth like he had muttered some unmentionable swear word. We stood and stared at each other for a moment, my heart pounding, head spinning.

_What?_

"Shit, Kyo…" It was the first time I'd heard him swear. "Oh shit… oh fucking shit… Kyo, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it…

Was that true? When I looked into his eyes I honestly couldn't tell any more. All he could do was stare at me, and me at him. He was crying, and after a moment I noticed I was too.

Then I kissed him.

It seemed a perfectly logical thing to do. He was trembling under my touch, and his tears melted into mine onto my face. Our lips had barely brushed but we were out of breath, panting harshly onto each others' mouths. I cupped his face into my hands and smiled softly.

"I'm sorry, Yuki…" I struggled to find the right words, before I realised the simplest ones might be the best.

"I'm so sorry Yuki, but I think that I do too."

**A/N**

**-punches air-**

**Come **_**on **_**guys, you have to review that!**


	7. Fight On For You

**A/N**

**Aww, FanFiction people are so nice! –glomps-**

**Anyone who reviewed gets a plushie of Kyo and Yuki making out… -drools-**

**And cybercookies, of course. –chomps- Unless I eat them first… :)**

**Dedicated to XOoPunkPixieoOX, thank you so much for keeping reading :)**

**Disclaimer: MAKE OUT YOU FOOLS! –prods Sohmas with electric cattle prong- and you think I'm joking…**

**Fight On For You**

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Oh, God…

His hand crept around my neck, instantly grabbing handfuls of my hair and tugging me closer. His tongue was sliding between my lips, searching desperately for mine. I felt a wall thump heavily into my back and gasped, merely allowing him more access to my mouth. Well, I should've guessed Kyo was going to insist on being dominant. I pushed my arms forward, running them across his chest and massaging his muscles. He groaned, and I exploited this weakness, forcing us to stumble into the centre of the room. I pushed my tongue between his lips and now it was _my _turn.

He was warm. And he tasted like tangerines. His lips were chapped, I noticed, and his hand was still clenched roughly in my hair, forcing us closer. We were already pressed flush against each other, and from our close proximity I could feel his arousal. Then again, a close inspection found I was hard too. Oh, sod it. I ground upwards – despite everything, he was still a little bit taller than me – and he pushed down, groaning and moaning desperately. I nearly fell onto the floor in surprise but I managed to keep balance, shoving back equally hard.

Oh… this was wrong. Terribly, horribly wrong. But it felt so damn good, and I didn't want him to stop…

His hand slipped under my shirt, gently massaging upwards and popping out buttons. He moaned my name into my mouth, and I swallowed up the wonderful sound, enjoying how the syllables rolled off his tongue and onto mine. His hand found my nipple and he was pinching, and God if the pleasure was better than this I was never going to stop. I was addicted to this on our first makeout session… not a good sign. But, ohh… he did it so gently, and yet so firmly… he pinched harder, just on the end, and I bucked up into him, desperate for _more_.

"You bastard."

I ripped myself away, glancing around in fear. I _knew _I was in the kitchen, I _knew _it was Kyo in front of me, but all I could see in my mind was Haru. He stood in front of me, eyes sparkling, covered in blood. He kept repeating it over and over again, and I screamed.

I vaguely heard Kyo trying to console me, asking what was wrong, but I could only see Haru, looking at me with such awful hate. I wanted to hug him, to apologise, to say anything, just to get those horrible eyes to stop boring into me…

I couldn't. He was an image, and when I tried to reach him I stumbled, nearly falling on top of Kyo. I regained my balance and ran.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I stood and stared, watching him scream and shake his head, trying to dispel something in front of him. He was hysterical, sobbing and screaming, but when I tried to get near him he flailed dangerously in my direction. Knowing Yuki's strength he could send me flying. After nearly falling over he shot me one, last, panic-filled gaze before running out of the flat.

Those wonderful eyes hadn't been looking at me. I wondered what he could think about… what would upset him so much? I mean, he wanted that kiss… didn't he? Definetly… he had pressed into it as much – if not more – than me… if it wasn't the kiss…

"_He loved Haru. He still loves Haru. He's doing this all for Haru."_

Oh. Fuck.

Haru.

What did this all mean? Haru… Haru wasn't Haru any more. Haru wasn't here any more. Was falling in love all over again pathetic? Was it wrong? I was sure now, I was in love with Yuki. I hadn't felt like this since my first kiss with Haru, all those years ago. Desperate and hurried and sinful as it had been from that point on I had never doubted that I loved Haru.

Until now.

But… I didn't think Haru was here to love any more. Sure, his body was lying in that hospital, but I didn't think that was really Haru.

And I knew for certain that I loved that damn Rat.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I ran. I ran and ran and ran until my chest was wheezing and my legs were aching and my head was pounding. I couldn't get that hateful glare Haru had sent me out of my mind, and It. Was. Killing. Me.

Somehow I ended up at the hospital. I didn't remember even running in that direction, and besides the hospital was miles away from my house; running there would have been nigh on impossible. But then again, so is turning into a Rat. I ran down the corridors and stared at Haru.

He did nothing. Lay there, innocent and dead and just so so cold. All I wanted was him to move, to say something, _anything_, to tell me what he wanted me to do. I didn't know what to do!

"Haru… Haru, please say something. Please! Haru, I'm sorry!" There was nothing. I choked on a sob, gasping slightly. "Haru… please! I think I love Kyo and God… that's so wrong… I don't know, Haru!" Nothing. "Haru… I need you…"

"_I'll always be there." I smiled and whacked him on the shoulder, and he frowned slightly, a small smile tweaking the very corners of his mouth. "Always."_

"You… you liar…" I whispered, sobbing, collapsing down beside his bed, grabbing onto his hand. "Haru… I can't do this on my own! It's too much for me…" I gasped in breath desperately, trying to find anything, anything to hold onto… "Please, Haru…"

And then I realised.

I didn't have to go through this alone.

I didn't have to go through this _at all_.

I walked out of the hospital and gave instructions to the cab driver for the Sohma estate.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

Something was wrong. Something was very, horribly wrong. I knew that Yuki was in terrible trouble. I just… knew it, in the way that I knew night from day. There was danger, and it was for Yuki.

Rain crackled overhead as I ran, and I cursed its timing as my bones began to ache and my lids began to droop. I tried to ignore it but when I slumped down next to the main thoroughfare and nearly got run over I knew I was going to have to make other arrangements for transport. The air was static, and none of the taxi drivers were keen on driving me, especially when they discovered the destination. It took me nearly an hour to just find a driver willing to take me that far, and another half an hour to get to the estate.

I needed to see Hatori. If something was wrong with Yuki, he was the first person who would find out, or already know. Besides, with Haru gone there wasn't anyone I could talk to about it. The rain was torrential by the time I reached the estate, and I paid the driver a handful of cash before sprinting inside.

My heart was thudding desperately now. None of the servants were around, and those who I saw quickly scurried away. My mind flickered momentarily towards Akito… but no, if our lord and master was back I would _know_. The servants were nervous for another reason. I had to find Hatori.

I quickly made my way to his lodgings, but as soon as I staggered outside the rain beat mercilessly on my head. I was shivering, sodden and lost within moments. I swore loudly, cursing everything, feeling the fatigue and helplessness eating into my bones. I felt the tears begin to swell, hot itchy scratching against the back of my eyes, and I blinked them down angrily. Their hot paths streaked across my cheeks, warming two strips of my already sodden face.

I was shivering, trying to think and work out where to go. A flash from above illuminated a nearby building and I staggered towards it, hoping that it was Hatori's but not really caring any more; I just had to get out of this rain. More light provided tantalising glimpses; a figure, oddly distorted; a desk, littered with books; a wide floor, occupied by a sombre rug. The figure rose and split into two; there were two people. I took step after sodden step closer towards the house, my breath scratching against my lungs desperately.

Yuki.

He sat alone in the middle of the floor, his head hung low and his mouth moving quietly. There were tears on his face, and his eyes were dull and dark. He didn't look at Hatori, merely staring at the floor and letting the tears flow. Hatori sighed and nodded, coming to crouch down in front of him. I saw his mouth move and I froze as I recognised the words formed by his lips.

"_Are you sure you want this?"_

Yuki nodded, and I strained my eyes in the half-light, trying to see his response. _"For Kyo," _his mouth moved soundlessly, and Hatori nodded again.

His words made my heart stop. _"I'm sorry."_

And he extended his hand.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I was afraid. God, I was so afraid. Sitting here in the half gloom I saw Hatori's hand coming towards me and knew that this was my final decision. I could never go back on this. Kyo would never understand… Kyo would never know. It was too late. I was shaking slightly, tears of fear and pain sliding down my cheeks as the hand slowly, inevitably trailed closer to my forehead.

His cool fingers slipped calmly around my temples, his palm resting on the bridge of my nose. The pads of his fingers were calloused, and from the close proximity I could see the tiniest of nicks on his fingers. I could feel his pulse racing, but his hand movements were steady and careful.

"I'm so sorry."

I half-heard his words, and moved my head slightly, but my lips were dry. My throat was raw from the tears and cold air outside, and I just wanted this to be over. I felt him sigh, and press a little harder.

Something else entered my mind. I couldn't move, only feel, and even then the sensation was so alien I wasn't sure that's what was happening to me. There was a horrible feeling of exposure, of privacy becoming ripped away, boundaries pummelled underfoot. I saw Hatori scanning my memories, carefully avoiding those before Kyo would have seen me. I wondered how much of Kyo he was going to take away… could I live without any notion my cousin existed? It was too late to stop now.

And then my world exploded.

It was a physical action, I noticed. Sharp pains peppered my body, followed by something large pounding into me and ripping that calm, intrusive touch from my forehead. I felt myself moving through the air, something strong and wet trapping me tightly, before slamming into something hard.

My eyes flickered, eyelids fluttering desperately. I caught half a gaze of bright orange before I lost consciousness, one word spiralling around my head.

_Kyo._

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

When I realised what he was doing, I ran. My heart hurt and my head span and my feet pounded and my throat was dry but all I could see was him, _him_, and hope I wasn't too late, oh Gods, no, not too late, not that –

I jumped. Slamming through the glass I ignored the sharp cuts and wrapped my arms around him, holding him against me as we travelled across the room, hoping and praying that he was still here, and that nothing had happened to him. Oh, Gods.

His eyes peered up at me once, fazed and unseeing before widening and closing. My heart froze as I grasped for a pulse, but his soft breath whispered across my neck. I ran a finger expertly along the back of his skull, making sure that there was nothing badly wrong, but I found nothing.

I sobbed. I wrapped my arms around his frame and sobbed, rocking him back and forth, clutching him desperately to my chest. I was aware of Hatori's hot gaze on my back, and the large hole in the window behind me, but all that mattered was Yuki unconscious in my arms.

I hadn't realised until now how much I loved him. It was burning, consuming, everywhere; it took all of me, in every little motion of every little day. Everything he had done for me and I had done for him I loved, loved with everything I had. And if he didn't love me back… it would kill me. Honestly, completely destroy me. I held onto his form and cried, hoping I wasn't too late.

Hoping.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

When I first came to, consciousness didn't seem to be that nice a place. It was cold, wet, and thoroughly uncomfortable. There were pains shooting up and down my arms, and my back was balanced in an extraordinary position.

Worse, Kyo was holding me.

I shoved him away, glaring at him with hot eyes. "What are you doing?" I asked calmly. His eyes widened, searching for Hatori's.

"How much did you take away?" Hatori merely regarded him dispassionately. "Damn it, Hatori, I asked you a question!" I frowned, trying to work out what was going on.

"Short term memories. I didn't get on to long term before you… interrupted me." His eyes blazed, and I quailed slightly. An angry Hatori was terrifying.

Kyo met his gaze with an equally passionate one. "You were just going to erase my existence without even asking?"

Hatori looked at him coolly. "I think you will find Yuki specifically requested it."

Kyo's gaze fell on me again, eyes wide and painfully red, streaked with tears and sweat. His hair trickled over his brow, framing his eyes, and as it was sodden it clung straight to his hair. His breath was coming in short pants, and his shoulders were shaking slightly.

He stepped towards me. "Yuki?" His voice had softened, but it was shaking. "Yuki, look at me." I turned my gaze to him, and he dropped it to the floor.

"I see," he said quietly, and his eyes clouded again. He looked so lost I wondered what I had done wrong. "I was too late," he said with a sigh, and when he stared at the ceiling he closed his eyes, tears trickling down his face. He approached me again, staring into my eyes with a passion I could not return. "Just… let me look at you, one last time." His hand traced a smooth line down my cheek, and I flinched away from the touch. His eyes flooded with pain before defeat claimed them and he let his arm drop to his side.

He turned towards the door, shoulders slumped and low. "Goodbye," he muttered, looking back at me. "I love you," he whispered, and was gone.

Something ate at my heart. Something burned, acid in my mind, fire in my soul.

"Kyo?"

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I was too late. I could see that from the moment he looked at me again. He was his namesake again; Yuki, snow, cold and distant, perfect, white and pure. He had no love for this monster.

And… and maybe that was better. This way… this way he couldn't get hurt. I couldn't hurt him. The tears fogged my mind, and I whispered it one more time before I left.

"Kyo?"

His voice haunted me out of the room. I froze in the corridor, heart pounding. I span on my heel, staring back in the room. His eyes were wide and unfocused, staring both at me and through me, as if not really seeing whether I was there. "Kyo?" His hand grasped desperately in my direction, before he fell to his knees. "Kyo?" His calls became more urgent, voice shaking.

I ran to his side, gripping his arm. "I'm here," I whispered into the crown of his head, scooping him into an easy embrace.

He gasped and clutched his head. "God… it _hurts_… Ky-oh!" He gasped out my name, burying his face into my chest, groaning into my body. I rocked him gently, searching out Hatori desperately.

"What's happening?" I yelled, and Hatori looked at me coldly.

"You screwed it up," he snapped. "I wiped him, and they're coming back. It's going to hurt."

Yuki let out another wail, and I rocked him harder, pushing my face into his hair and grabbing desperately onto him, squeezing him. He grabbed fistfuls of my shirt, pulse fluttering and breath panting. "Kyo!"

"I'm here, oh God, Yuki, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry!" I held him as he cried, sobbing and wailing and clutching, hating myself and Hatori and Akito, but mostly myself. God, how awful had I been? He wailed again, pushing his face into my chest harder. It rose in volume louder and louder, increasing as his pain did, before it petered off and he slumped across my knees, panting desperately.

"Kyo?" His voice was hoarse, and his eyes were fogged with pain, but when he looked at me I could tell he was back. I held him and cried.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

I looked up at my love and knew that was wrong. I loved the man leaning over me and holding me, and I knew that I shouldn't. Not just morally, but physically; clearly something had gone wrong. Hatori was standing a little to our left, glaring down at us angrily, but Kyo was holding me and sobbing.

I raised my head and brushed my lips along his neck, and he moaned, clutching onto me tighter. "Oh, God… Yuki… promise you won't do that again," he gasped out.

I pushed him away. "Don't… please." He looked at me, eyes foggy and confused. "I can't… Haru… Haru told me not to!"

"Yuki, Haru is dead!" My heart froze in my throat, and he glared at me. "Sure, he's lying in that bed, but we both know that's not Haru. Haru is not coming back, and Haru can't stop how you feel. Or I feel." There were tears on his cheeks, and I realised just how painful it must have been to admit that Haru had finally gone.

"Kyo…" I whispered, and he stared at me with those large orange eyes.

"Yuki, you can't keep running away from the people who love you! Tohru, Kakeru and now me! Yuki, all we want to do is love you. Sometimes you just have to understand that." His voice choked slightly, and I looked at him.

"I'm sorry." I reached up and kissed him, just pressing my lips to his, but his breath rushed across my lips in a sob, pulling me closer and tighter.

And I didn't ever want him to let go.

**A/N**

**Hahaha… 6 pages my arse, that was 8! –does little dance-**

**Pathetically soppy, of course… next chapter ****MAY**** be lemon if I get enough support.**


	8. I Forgive You

**A/N**

**Yey! Another chapter! I should really be updating For A Dream, but oh well. Sod it.**

**Dedicated to… I'm not sure, actually! I think XOoPunkPixieoOX gave me the longest review I've ever read, but I dedicated to her last chapter… so this time it's to KuroKarasu57 because she was so nice in her review! –glomps- THANK YOU!**

**Partly inspired by Nickelback's Far Away, massively inspired by the Duffy poem. Sheez, I have no life. Love to all those other smut writers… you like smut, check out my other account, Alichay The Yaoi Queen; smut central! Shameless endorsement over… roll on the story…**

**WARNINGS: VERY ****VERY ****SMUTTY CHAPTER GUYS! Lemon time… and woah, what a lemon. o.O Don't say I didn't warn you!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Education For Leisure, it's Carol Ann Duffy's wonderful poem. Find it and read it, it ROCKS! Also, the obvious not-owning Furuba continues into this chapter, as always. –rolls eyes-**

**I Forgive You**

_**6 months later**_

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

"Today I am going to kill something."

I froze. My lips parted, my mind racing. My eyes flittered closed.

"Anything."

I took in a deep breath. I forced myself to calm down. _Just a poetry reading… _I reminded myself.

"I have had enough of being ignored."

God… this was so like him. So very, very like him it sent chills down my spine. I remembered the hate… the anger. Oh, that anger. Hearing his emotions like this… my eyes flitted to the innocent boy reading out the lines, a slight shiver in his voice as he travelled down the page. I felt almost cruel for making him read it, but I needed it. Selfish as it was, I believed that these boys needed to hear it too. This poem had always given me chills.

"The pavements glitter suddenly. I touch your arm."

We were left in limbo, hanging on our last breaths as the simple repercussions of this statement hung heavily over our heads. Then we all jumped as the bell sounded, and I blinked myself out of my stupor.

"Very… very well read," I stuttered out as my slightly shocked students began to collect their belongings. "No homework, I think you've all been fantastic. Besides, the memory of that poem is homework enough."

The boys flashed me a thankful smile, filing out slowly. The last straggler eventually made his way out, struggling with his sports kit slung over one shoulder. I waited for him to leave, sitting down in my desk with my head in my hands…

Just so he couldn't see my smile.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I often snuck into school to watch him teach. Yuki as a teacher was an entirely different person, and I loved him. Then again, I loved him already… but Yuki the teacher (or Professor Yuki as I referred to him when I wanted to annoy him) was so _passionate_. When he spoke, cliché as it was, his eyes would light up. His back would straighten, his hands would swirl in time with his words. I loved this side of Yuki, and it was something I didn't get to see very often.

This time, there was a whole different side of 'Professor Yuki' that I don't think anyone has seen before. It was a western poem, so I didn't recognise it – I began to regret the number of times I'd skived off English – but as soon as his eyes fell on it he _changed_. And when that poor boy read the poem, I understood why.

It was stunning. For me, it whispered of the very nameable fear in the back of my mind. _Akito_. Our God's presence was simplified and placed into poem form, trailing languidly across the page in a way which reminded me of that _touch_, that little _voice _in my ear, that _spite_… I could see Yuki thought it too. I nearly revealed my hiding place and held him, just held him, because he looked so _broken_.

The little brats slowly filed out, trundling past at an unbearable pace. I nearly jumped out and scared them out, I was so impatient. The last little annoying one finally left, and all that was left was my Yuki in the centre of the room, his head in his hands.

I couldn't resist that broken figure.

I stepped out of my hiding place, whisper-soft against the tiled floor. Yuki twitched, and I froze, petering on the edge of my toes. He sighed, staring at the desk again, and I moved faster, reaching his desk metre by precious metre before –

"You're still useless, baka neko," he murmured, raising his eyes to stare at me, a small smile just resting on his mouth.

I stood and floundered for a moment, before I snarled and took a step forward. He rose with his normal fluid grace, reaching up and running his hand along my cheekbone. I shuddered and pressed into the touch. God, I was addicted to this, and I didn't want to go into any sort of rehab. This was perfect. This was my _Yuki_.

"Miss me?" he murmured, tracing my cheekbone again, fingers just brushing the corner of my mouth. I twitched involuntarily towards them, but he withdrew them tantalisingly. "I asked you a question…" he muttered, and I groaned.

"Yessss…" I hissed, trying to get that touch back again. He smirked, pushing into my conquests, and I smiled, drawing my hand along the pale fingers.

"Good kitty…" he murmured, caressing the back of my ear softly. I felt a familiar rumble of pleasure begin to start up in the back of my throat, but I quashed it down and gazed at him again. I knew he found my eyes unnerving, because they were so powerful, and I often used this to my advantage. I saw him swallow nervously and lick his lips, pink tongue steadily dragging over each precious millimetre.

I couldn't see his lips after that. It's hard to when it's your own lips covering them. He sighed into my mouth, arms slinking back to support us against the desk. I wrapped my hands around his face and pushed us closer, the lips the only parts of our bodies which were joined. He shivered and sighed, pressing his own tongue forward between my lips. Evading both sets of teeth and lips it began to snake around in my mouth, and with a satisfied sigh I let him probe.

My hand languidly began to travel downwards. In the middle of school I couldn't screw him into the desk like I'd like to, but I could still pleasure my little Rat. He groaned as my hand slipped under his shirt, finding the nubs of his hipbones and massaging gently with my thumb. "Hunnnh… Ky-oh, n-not, in school…" he gasped, and I smirked again, mouth twitching against his. My hand crept under his trousers (which looked remarkably similar to Hatori's, I noticed with another smile) and through his underwear, stroking softly on the inside of his thigh.

"Ky-oh, God, I-I'm not kidding, continue like that and ohhhhnnn, no s-sex for a w-week!" I ignored him, trailing soft circles on the inside of his thigh. He was already hard, and his hips were beginning to buck. He was scowling at his body's reaction, but his eyes were already wild and boring into me. "Kyo," he whispered, and I couldn't resist him any longer. He began to shudder underneath me as I mirrored the stroking action I had applied to his leg on more private parts of his anatomy. Wriggling and gasping and moaning underneath me, he bucked and writhed, grunting my name with a stream of many other, nonsensical words. He whimpered again. "Kyo… I c-can't… not in these t-trousers…"

I smirked, pressing harder with my index finger. "Yes… you've been borrowing Ha'ri's suits again, haven't you?" He whimpered, bucking up, as I added my nails to the long list of weapons I was using against him. "Apologise and I might let you off…" He groaned, panting.

"S-sorry…"

"Sorry who?"

"Sorry K-K-KYO!" He came with a scream, back bowing against the desk and nails viciously biting into the laminate, leaving three deep grooves in the shiny surface.

"Whoops… we'll have to make it up to Ha'ri some other way," I murmured against his neck, and he glared at me, chest heaving.

"You are so fucked after this," he snarled.

I smirked. "Looking forward to it," I grinned, and left him alone in the classroom.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Stupid sadistic bastard.

Well… I can't complain too much. Stupid sadistic _seductive _bastard, definetly. I waited for myself to calm down, before smiling and cleaning myself up, mopping up what I could with my useless boxers, preserving Hatori's trousers as much as I could. There wasn't much point, really; they were pretty smashed. I smirked at the thought of Hatori's disgusted impression when he discovered exactly what his little Rat had done with the ¥1200 suit.

Then again, Hatori had been wonderful about our relationship. I'd needed a bit of… well, you could call it therapy, after being ripped away from mental oblivion. Nothing serious, just a few IQ training sessions and regular check-ups. I personally think that Hatori was making a fuss over it, but as he reminded me 'the brain is a delicate thing'. I certainly can't continue teaching with an IQ less than fifty.

I was secretly thrilled that Kyo watched me teach. It introduced a new part of me to him, something which I knew he didn't see much of, but what he affectionately labelled 'Professor Yuki'. Even on the rare occasions I was 'allowed' to be dominant, he never really allowed me what he did to me. (For those who are interested, let's just say that he gets _verrrry _kinky around pink fluff. Especially if it's on handcuffs).

Today had been nothing out of the usual. He'd often try and get to me in stupid places; the train, a lift, a restaurant. His sex drive was incredible, and he relished in the thought of danger, of being caught. Although afterwards I'd scold him and perhaps punish him (the only power I had; neglecting his sex life) I secretly enjoyed our rushed, excited encounters.

But God, did I love him. I loved him so, _so _much. We didn't really say it to each other any more; the first few dates (the cutsey-pie ones, with the holding hands and sweet kisses) had been peppered with us blurting it out in random intervals, but now I could tell that he loved me in the way he said my name. I could tell by the way his eyes shone when he came. He loved me, and there was nothing more wonderful.

* * *

Yet again I was pinned against a wall. Yet again he was ravishing me. Yet again the stupid Cat had used his stupid seductive charms and my stupid little horny brain had given up to his stupid kinky advances. I groaned as he ripped off my shirt, sending buttons _plink-_ing all over the room. He was quite literally eating me, biting and sucking and licking my neck, my shoulders, my cheeks, my lips. His hands were battling with my trousers – his trousers – his shirt – my underwear – his underwear – until we were both naked and sweaty and simply with each other.

His hands were balled in my hair, his lips were on my mouth. His legs were moving, mine wrapped around my waist to drive him back with momentum. We slid in a delicious friction as we walked, groaning each others' names as we waltzed.

The bed landed beneath us, thudding into the back of Kyo's knees and buckling his legs, landing on the mattress with a soft _whumph_. He instantly span around, pushing me onto the bottom again, biting and licking and sucking alternately and together in a dizzying rush of movement. "How does my nezumi want it today?" he murmured against my neck, imbetween conspicuous appliance of his tongue.

"How I always want it." I repeated the familiar mantra under my breath, throat hitching as his teeth joined the menagerie. "Fast, hard, and with you." He smiled at my reply, reminiscing over their meaning, before he bit down again. "Kyo…" I whispered softly, and he pulled back, orange eyes glowing.

"What?" he whispered back.

I smiled. "Nothing… just stay there for a moment." I ran my hand slowly down his cheek, swirling my fingers across the dark skin. He shuddered slightly under my touch, but his eyes were locked on mine. I traced his cheekbones, then his eyebrows, moving down to his neck, running a white finger across his collarbone. He let out a growl as my hand reached his chest, and I pressed my palm against him, feeling both the vibrations from the aforementioned noise and his regular thudding heart.

I couldn't tell him with words how this felt. He was so, so beautiful. I wanted this to last forever, just to gaze at him. I leant up and pressed my lips against his, saying everything I needed to.

He moved, penetrating me without warning. I couldn't help it; I gasped against his lips. He paused, but I shook my head, urging him on with a nip on the lips. And continue he did; sliding inside me, only pulling out to push in deeper, further, harder. I don't know whether I fell back or was pushed, but I was on the bed, gazing up at him, ankles crossed across his back to allow him more access. Each slide seemed to last forever, but also flew past frustratingly fleetingly, unbearably inevitable each time he pulled out and the coiling inside my stomach.

"I l-love you," he panted, and I groaned in concurrence, so glad to just hear those words. "Yuki!" He came with a shout of my name, and I jumped over with him, one beautiful pair of arms holding me tight.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

He emerged foggily, eyes still slightly blurred, and gazed up at me happily. "Thank you," he murmured, and I smiled, running a hand across his face. He closed his eyes at my touch, revelling as I stroked his cheek. "Mmmh… I think I'll need a hand getting cleared up," he whispered, and I raised an eyebrow quizzically, only to receive a customary Yuki death-glare.

"Fine," I sighed, with an over-dramatic roll of my eyes. He smiled at me, just staring at my face. I squirmed slightly under his gaze. He noticed this, practically beaming at me. "We'll take a shower," I muttered, and he smiled.

"Sounds good," he smiled, burrowing into my chest with a sigh. Sticky and wet and smelling of our sex as he was I wrapped my arms around him, relishing the smooth sliding of skin against skin.

"I'll massage your back for you," I said absently as I rested my chin against the crown of his silver head. He smiled up at me.

"Sounds very good." He pressed his lips against mine once more, before snuggling down into my warmth. "Kyo?" I kissed the top of his head in reply. "I forgive you." I raised an eyebrow, puzzled. "For everything, before. I know you need me to say it." Inside I felt my stomach clench. How did he _know_?

"Thank you," I whispered, pushing down onto his frame, squeezing him tightly – too tightly, probably, but he didn't protest. "I love you."

"I know."

**A/N  
**

**Aww, wasn't that wonderfully smutty/pointless/fluffy? But fun to write, so I hope it was fun to read. :) Shout outs to all my wonderful reviewers.**


	9. Shatter

**A/N**

**OMA! I updated!**

**I think it might finish on the 10 chapter mark guys… BUT there is a possible sequel, and two other KyoYuki stories in my mind. Bug me and they will spill!**

**This chapter is because not everyone accepts.**

**We got 30 reviews guys! Yay:) That's probably the most I've ever got… wow… thank you! This one goes to ****Error In Space****fullofmisery**** and ****RenKyosOneAndOnlyLover****, thanks for reviewing! Sorry about the multi-ded, but to get you all in I need to do it!**

**Shatter**

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

Oh. My. God.

I am with Yuki. Yuki loves me.

_Wow._

Sometimes it was so good I couldn't believe it. Sometimes, I pinned him to the wall and ravished him when I knew he'd just punish me later, but just because I _had _to show him that I loved him. I had to make him stay with me, because surely, as soon as he realised who I was, the monstrous Cat, the mask would shatter and he'd run.

And who can blame him?

So every opportunity I had, every opportunity I could claw at I took, to show him how much I loved him. I'd never stop saying it either, no matter what happened, just so he knew.

Because one day, I knew it would break.

After all, who stays with a monster forever?

* * *

I was in trouble again.

It was Haru's fault. Well… it wasn't his fault, really, but the trouble was of his origin. I guess that it was my fault too, as I pathetically didn't pay my own way, but it was too late to lay the blame.

I tugged at my hair anxiously again, turning to face him. "There… another bill," I finished lamely, scowling and forcing my head to one side.

"You've run out of money for the flat." It wasn't a question, and I nodded abruptly. Yuki sighed and mirrored my motion, ridding the tangles.

"I… I dunno why I care any more." I flashed a half-smile, but wasn't looking at him, so didn't see if he responded. "It's just… something I thought I'd keep for him, you know? The flat. For when he got better." I felt his annoyance rather than saw it, because my gaze was firmly planted at my feet. The floorboards suddenly became rather fascinating. My voice had broken on the last statement, and I felt the tears prickle again. God, I was helpless.

His arms wrapped around my shoulders, and he pressed my head across his shoulder. I hated the way my tears stained his shirt. I hated the way he had to put up with my stupid emotions.

There was no need for him to say anything as he held me. We were beyond words now.

He pulled away from me, looking into my face, and I smiled weakly, and this time got to see the wonderful smile he gave me in return, lifting my heart in one beautiful soar. "Do you want to go and get the stuff?" he asked, and for a moment the words were lost on me as I heard the wonderful melodic tones, just the way his voice rippled around the syllables. "Kyo?"

I closed my eyes and felt more tears slip out at my name. Oh, how I loved him. This was insane. Completely, totally insane. My eyes flickered open again and I beamed at him, pulling him into a desperate hug which he began to protest at, before feeling the urgency as I held him and kissed him and touched him, because this was my Yuki and I wanted him.

"Ok, ok," he smiled, loosening my desperate grip and smiling again, running a hand down my cheekbones. "We have to be practical about this. We'll get a cab and pick up your stuff when I get back from work."

I frowned. "You don't wanna come. It'll be boring, picking up stuff, and - "

"I want to come. This is important to you, even if you're too vain and proud to let me see." He cuffed me gently across the head, and I began to protest before he easily silenced me with a kiss. "Seems to be the best way to shut you up," he grinned, pulling away, and I was left in a terrible limbo when he was ripped away from me. Angry at my loss, I pushed forwards again, connecting us again. He melted into me for a moment, before he pushed away, shoving me away. "Sorry, I have to go to work, I'm appallingly late as it is."

I realised the problem with his plan, and scowled, looking aside. "Can't go when you go back," I muttered, and he stopped in the doorway, angling back to look at me.

"How come?" he asked quietly.

"Got work," I muttered, blushing, looking aside to avoid that wonderful smile again.

"You got a job?" He walked over beside me, running a hand across my face, making it glow even redder. "But you hate work."

"Don't you have a job to go to yourself?" I snapped, wanting to get away from him before I had a heart attack from the speed it was pounding inside my chest. God, I'd _never _been this embarrassed _ever_.

He smiled again, pulling me in for one last kiss. "Thanks, kitten," he murmured, and as he walked away my hand trailed after him, only letting go at the last possible moment. "We'll go tomorrow. I'll take the day off." He turned to face me, holding one finger towards me. "And you _dare _go without me…"

He left the punishment unsaid, but I stuck my tongue out and scowled. "Yes, _master_," I spat playfully, and he grinned back at me, before finally leaving for work.

Leaving me alone to blush my head off in peace.

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

"Yuki."

I rolled my eyes and span around. That _stupid _Cat! Ok, I do like a play and a joke, but I was horribly late already and I didn't have time for it this morning. "Kyo, I told you in the flat, I'll - "

But the retort was caught in my throat as I saw that that was definitely not my kitten leaning against the alley wall. Her gaze burned into me, and she sashayed forward, standing a few metres away from me. "I'll try not to be insulted by you confusing me with that bastard." I felt a hot surge of anger at the insult, but cast my face aside, failing at that gaze. We hadn't confronted Rin… this was going to be hard. Very, very hard.

"Rin…" I began, but she waved her hand impatiently in front of her face.

"I don't care, okay? I'm here for your own good this time." I glanced at her quizzically, but she shook her head, pressing a cassette into my hands. I frowned, partly because of the old software, and partly at what she had given me, but she waved her hand again. "Just listen. I'm sure you'll find it an education."

I glanced back down at the cassette, and opened my mouth to ask her something, but when I looked up again she was gone. I knew there was no chance that I'd catch her – not even Haru could when she didn't want to be caught – so I returned my attention to the cassette. I span it between my fingers, trying to find some clue about what it would say, but there was no label on at any point. I racked my brains, trying to remember where I had a cassette tape, but could only think of school.

Shit! School! I glanced at my watch. It was nearly 11, and I hadn't phoned in that I would be late. I scowled for a moment; any other teacher would have been fired well before now, but because of the stupid _Sohma _part of my name I was no longer just a teacher. I shook my head and sighed, pocketing the tape and turning away from the alley, trying to move as quickly as I could through the city.

For the twentieth time that day I turned the cassette over under my fingers. I'd located a portable cassette player, an old-fashioned Walkman from the library, and was perched in the most remote part of the library I could find. With a final sigh I flipped it over, slotted it into the player and pressed the button.

For a while, all I could hear was clicking and laboured breathing. Eventually, the breathing slowed, and a gasp broke the silence. _"Rin…" _I jumped at the voice, immediately identifying it. Surely enough, Rin responded, revealing it was who I thought it was. I could hear the pain in his voice as they argued about Haru, Kyo insisting that he hadn't deserted him… a lump built up in my throat, remembering his loss this morning. How long since he had this conversation? It couldn't be that long… days, maybe?

Then his voice was relayed through the headphones, slightly distorted by the old technology. I wondered why Rin had chosen this method, before focusing on the words.

My stomach plummeted.

"_I'm just living with Yuki because I have no choice!" _A snort. _"God, Rin, you don't think I actually _like _that freak, do you?" _My head was spinning. This… this wasn't… this _can't _be… _"He's an easy… fuck… and I don't have to pay the bills!"_

My hand flew to my chest as I desperately tried to take in breath.

He really _was _a monster after all.

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

I hummed under my breath as I stirred, mixing the sauce with the ramen. With an elaborate flick and a sashay of the hips I tumbled it into two bowls, dancing across the kitchen for the sake, which I placed in the two glasses before making my way back to the kitchen.

I flicked my hips towards the cooker to turn it off, turning a pirouette in the centre of the tiles and placing the vegetables next to his bowl, straightening the chopsticks before sitting down on a cushion with a satisfied _whumph_. I knew Yuki was working late today, as I had phoned up to make sure he was alright and was told he was marking in the library. I knew he hated marking, so decided to make it easy for him when he got back… a meal… some sake… and, well, who says where he'd go afterwards?

I grinned a tad sadistically and closed my eyes, leaning back and closing my eyes happily. God, it didn't get much more perfect than this.

I didn't hear the door open, so it was a surprise when the fist landed in my stomach. I doubled over, spluttering, and desperately tried to regain the breath I'd lost. I fuzzily stared up, and my heart nearly stopped when I fuzzily stared up, and my heart nearly stopped when _Yuki_ towered over me. He grabbed a fistful of my hair, pulling me to my feet, and I let out a growl of pain and turned to him, beginning to protest, but then I saw something in his eyes which I had hoped never to see again.

He _hated _me.

"An easy fuck, huh?" he snarled, fingers tightly tangled with my hair, making me squirm uncomfortably. "You bastard… you… you _bastard_… Kyo!" His eyes were shining – I couldn't tell whether it was from tears or hate – and he just looked at me like… like… like…

Like I'd broken his heart.

"Yuki, I don't understand, what - "

He snarled angrily, shoving me onto the sofa and tackling down onto me. "Don't lie to me! Rin told me _everything_!" Rin? But I hadn't spoken to her since… since…

Oh God. What… what I said then… she used it, didn't it? But then… and now… I didn't believe that any more. Surely everything I'd shown him since then had proved that's not how I feel? "Yuki, I don't know what she - "

"Shut up! I don't w-want to hear it from you!" He began to shake, but he slapped away the hand I tried to touch him with. "Just… you keep hurting me, don't you? I'm just a big joke to you. I t-thought, well, I don't _know_ what I thought. God, I've been so _stupid_! How could I ever think you'd change? It's always been the Cat and the Rat for you, hasn't it? All you were ever interested in was dominating me!"

I couldn't speak. My throat had closed up. This wasn't happening. _It couldn't be. _Not when everything had just become so perfect. "Yuki…" I gasped, but he shook his head angrily.

"No, no no no no no _no_! I won't hear it from you any more! I'm sick of your lies, Kyo! Just… just GET OUT!"

My Yuki stood crying and broken in the centre of the room, and I couldn't even reach him. My mind was spinning, and I just couldn't… couldn't…

"Yuki, please, don't, I l- "

"Don't you dare say it! Don't you DARE! JUST _GET OUT_!" He was screaming and sobbing.

I ran.

**A/N**

**Muahahahaha. Eeeeeeeeeeevil cliffie! YAYS!**

**This may not be the penultimate now… gah, I don't know. Review anyways!**


	10. Goodbye

**A/N**

**Oh my god guys! Last chapter!**

**Aww… I don't know what to say…**

**But please enjoy it. There'll be a general thanks chapter up soon after this one. And you get to finally hear the inspire quote! –rolls eyes at the fact I'm the only one excited- But yeah, on the grand ole hols at the mo, so gotta do all that when I get back. I just couldn't resist an update ;)**

**Disclaimer stuff as always.**

**SEQUE****L INFORMATION:**** Now, although I do have a plotline for a sequel, I don't know whether you lot want one. You'll have to tell me about it. In any case, there are a handful of other YukiKyo stories I'm planning, so do keep an eye out. More Haru angst too. Yays for our favourite little Ox.**

**Oooh, you guys read 17 yet?**

**Trigger warning for suicide attempt.**

**Goodbye**

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

Didn't I tell you?

Didn't I _tell _you?

* * *

_Yuki_

* * *

Wow. I never thought life could suck _this _much. It's always been pretty hard for me, being a Sohma and all, what with Akito generally abusing me, my mother completely ignoring me, and Aaya… well, Aaya being Aaya, but… I never thought a broken relationship with _Kyo _was on the cards.

I suppose I should've known it from the first time he looked at me he'd always hate me. Then again, back then I thought _everyone _hated me… and everyone did, really. Well, maybe they didn't all hate me, but certainly no one _liked _me. Haru, Kagura and Kyo all seemed to get on perfectly well without me, my older brother ignored my existence, and whenever I displayed myself I don't think the others even knew I was there. There's always a disadvantage to being the favourite.

But anyway. Kyo hates me. Kyo's always hated me. And seeing that Haru chose Kyo over me, I don't think anyone really liked me in the end.

After all, where are my 'friends' now? Why aren't they here, helping me? Do they really hate me that much?

No, that's not fair. They don't hate me.

I just pushed them all away.

* * *

Walking around school always terrified me. I was always petrified that I would bump into him, hiding around some corner, with that smirk on his face and I'd hold him and take him and we'd…

We'd what? Walk off into the sunset? I shook my head and kept walking. One flight of stairs, fifty paces down the corridor, third classroom on the left. I repeated each part of the mantra as I walked along my path. I'd moved out of the old classroom on request; everytime I looked down at my desk I was reminded of everything he'd done to me there, and it made me feel ill. Not to mention terribly, horribly sad.

It was because my mind had strayed from its mantra to past memories I didn't notice him until I bumped into him. A thousand senses attacked my face, trying to find the smell, the touch, that look –

It was Hatori. I glared up at him coldly, and he surveyed me with equal distaste. We had… well, we'd had a _massive _argument when he found out what happened between Kyo and I. We hadn't spoken for weeks, so I was really surprised to find him here. "Excuse me," I muttered, attempting to sidestep him.

"The only person I can be here to see is you, Yuki. You know there are no other Sohmas within a three-mile radius." I glared at him again, and stopped moving.

"Well, can I at least set them some work to do?" I gestured at a door, but Hatori smirked.

"I read your timetable. You have a free period."

"I'm covering," I countered, and he frowned, before sighing and stepping aside so I could enter the classroom. I apologised to them hastily and wrote up a task on the board, but they were such wonderful kids there wasn't so much as a complaint, just heads bowed and work in silence. I shut the door with considerable fear, and turned to face him. "What do you want?" I snapped, not the one for courtesies anymore.

"I'm worried about him. Kazuma's worried about him." He frowned in annoyance. "I'm worried about _you_."

I looked away. "Kyo's no longer my responsibility." It took all of my resolve not to choke on his name. "And there's no need to worry about _me_," I added, turning to look at him again. I smirked sadly. "I always find some way to get through."

"You can't just dismiss him like that." Hatori's eyes blazed. "He hasn't _got _anyone else."

"And that's my fault?" I looked away again. "He hasn't got me, either. And that's his fault." I felt my voice break at the last word, and knew I had to get away as my heart began to shatter again. A bell tolled loudly; I hadn't realised that it had taken so long. I needed to get away. "If you'll excuse me, I have my pupils to attend to." I turned away from him, marching down the corridor, but as soon as I had turned a corner I fled, slamming the door of an empty classroom and collapsing against the door as the sobs came again.

My heart, already faceted cruelly, showed me a distorted image of his face as I cried.

Oh, Kyo, how could you_ do _this to me?

* * *

I unlocked the door again with a heavy heart. My head was throbbing nastily, and I sighed, collapsing down on the sofa with a soft noise. I placed my head in my hands again, but had no tears left to suppress. My body mocked my pathetic attempts to relax, before I stood up and took a shower.

It was well past ten by the time I was sitting in the living room again. It was much too early to go to bed, and too late to start marking. I shrugged on my coat and walked out.

The streets were cold, and almost deserted, apart from the late commuters, night-workers and drunken revellers. I ignored all of them, heading for a park nearby. There was a bench, although difficult to find, half-crumbling and mouldy with the weight of many years, but if sat upon it displayed the whole of the city. It was beautiful.

I fought my way through the undergrowth, emerging into a small clearing where I paused for breath before struggling on again.

A dry, harsh cough made me stop mid-step. I froze as images of grabbing hands and muffling fingers wrenched at my mind, before I realised it had come from in front and relaxed. I frowned. It was possible someone had found my sanctuary – after all, this was public land – but I hadn't thought anyone would bother to struggle up that hill before. Certainly, it hadn't happened when I had been coming, and that was for some time.

Intrigued by the identity of my visitor, I wrestled onwards, eventually emerging on top of the spot. To my dismay I noted two things; firstly, the bench had gone, obviously too decadent to remain, and secondly Kyo was sitting down on top of the hill, his head in his hands.

He didn't seem to have noticed me, probably dismissing me as some form of rodent. I smirked at this, before frowning and staring at him again. Should I go forward? I didn't want to see him – that was certain. My brain told me one thing while my heart told me another for thirty gut-wrenching seconds, before I turned on my heel and walked back into the undergrowth.

"Yuki?" I had hardly gone three steps before I heard the call. My broken heart was wrenched happily by his voice, speaking my name, before the fear in the word reached it and it calmed again, worried and frightened. I turned to see him standing, silhouetted by the moonlight, staring at me with a mixture of fear and terrible sadness. There was no love in that gaze… or was that just what I wanted to see? "Sorry I stole your spot," he murmured, turning away and beginning to gather his things. Although it was a freezing winter night he was in the same clothes I had sent him away in; simple jeans, now scratched and torn, and a thin t-shirt, even worse than its counterpart. Even from this far and in this half-light I could see his face was thin and pinched, and he was struggling against the cold. He smothered a cough, as if it would annoy me, and made to go away.

"It's okay. You can have it. I don't want it any more." My voice was colder than I felt, and than I had intended it to be. I really, desperately wanted to make my way over to him and take him away with me, but I couldn't move. He looked at me again, confusion riddling his eyes, before he nodded and turned away. Angry, I turned away and began to walk.

"Yuki…" His voice rang with uncertainty and loss, and it prickled at the back of my eyes before I turned to face him. He didn't know what to say to me, and for the first time I was lost for words.

"Fuck off, Kyo." My harshness scared me, and I flinched at his harsh intake of breath. I fought the terrible urge to break down in tears. Walking away, I closed my eyes for a moment before turning around and walking back. "There's just one thing I want to know, just one thing, and then I'll go away and never see you again." His eyes widened and he nodded dumbly, biting his lip. My voice broke. "When you made love to me, was it me you were making love to, or Haru?"

I didn't wait for an answer. I heard a soft choking noise from him as I turned away and walked back into the forest.

* * *

Duck. Left thrust, left thrust. Block. Block. I wove around him, ducking and bobbing and hitting at him, taking out my anger as he winded me violently by throwing my right foot towards his face. He blocked it easily, sending me spinning across the room as he did so. I crouched, panting for a moment, before I advanced again, fist slamming into his palm and forcing him staggering back. He grunted and fell over, and I swung my arm across so my hand was nestling on his neck.

"Yield?" I panted, and he smiled at me, before sending his legs flying around my waist and before I could wriggle free he span me round and I slammed into the floor.

"Yield?" he mocked, and I scowled at him before letting him pull me up. "It's good to fight with you again, Yuki. You've improved so much."

I smiled at him. "It's not as if I've been practicing. Not much time on my hands."

Kazuma grinned at me. "Teaching, huh? It's funny – if someone had told me that you were a teacher, I'd never believe them, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense."

I looked aside. "I like making a difference."

He didn't reply. I knew what he was thinking. "I bet Akito wasn't happy about that, was he?" he eventually said with a smile.

I sighed. "My Mother was more annoyed. By that time Akito - " I broke off, blushing as I looked to one side. "Akito was… not around." I fussed over putting my shoes on to avoid the hot look I knew he was giving me. I straightened up and looked out towards the gardens after a few minutes of uncomfortable silence. "I should get back. Marking." I began to walk out again, but froze at his voice.

"Why did you come here, Yuki?" I flinched and stopped, my back still to him.

"I don't know," I muttered under my breath, but I don't think he heard me.

"I'm not going to tell you it's okay, or give you permission." When I looked at him his gaze was darker than I had ever seen it. His eyes blazed. "You know what he means to me. I _hate _seeing him hurt."

"But you're perfectly accepting of the fact he _lied _to me? He _used_ me?" I could hear the anger in my voice, but I knew that I really just felt… sad.

Kazuma's gaze didn't falter. "Did you ever think to question the reliability of your source?" he snapped.

"I don't care what you or Hatori say. I know what I heard." He scowled at me.

"Has it occurred to you to ask Kyo _when _he had this conversation with Rin? You know his feelings changed about you."

I smirked. If only I had his enthusiasm. "Well, he did say 'easy fuck'. There is a restricted time limit to when I was 'fucking' him." I glared at him, but he couldn't meet my gaze.

Because he knew I was right? Or just because he didn't want to hear it?

He looked up at me, and his eyes were sad. "I'm sorry, Yuki." He sighed, and looked away. "I just can't believe Kyo would ever do that." He smiled weakly, regarding me again. "Especially not to you. He really loves you."

I looked away. "_Loved _me." My gaze stayed at my feet, and I felt angry tears well again. "Why couldn't he _answer _me?" I muttered, more to myself than to Kazuma. I fought the urge to sink to my knees as I felt the tears fall. "Why couldn't he just _answer _me?" I heard Kazuma call my name, but I'd already turned and run back towards the main house.

* * *

I sat at the table with my head in my hands. An unopened envelope, grubby and dog-eared, sat on the table in front of me. His handwriting, a scrawl which cleanly cut the page apart, had moved in the shape of my name again. I glanced at the word again, and for the first time the original meaning of it – cold, snow – jumped to my mind before I recognized it as my name. I shook my head, before turning it over with one finger and tearing the seal before my mind could argue back.

_Always of you._

_I know you don't believe me. I'm sorry _(This had been heavily riddled with thick penstrokes, removing the sentiment before my eyes)

_Come… come find me. Please._

I sighed at the deep impressions he'd caused from rapidly scouring the words from the paper. I closed my eyes and listened to my head argue with my heart, but always knowing who would win. As I shrugged on my jacket I pocketed the letter and closed the door.

Like yesterday, there were few people about as I moved through the streets. It was interesting listening to my mind trying to persuade me out of going, but the only thing that made me stop once along the journey was it questioning whether he wouldn't just be better off without me. After all… what friends did I have?

It hit me. He _was _the only friend I had. And I missed him horribly.

This, finally, was enough to utterly convince me, and I walked towards the park with a thankfully silent conscience. I ignored everyone unless they got in my way, when I would glare at them until they apologized hurriedly and scurried away.

When I entered the clearing my heart sank. It was empty. _You should have known it was too good to be true_, my ever persistent conscience sneered. _I told you not to come_. I sank down on the bench with a sigh and placed my head in my hands.

Wait a minute. _Bench? _I span around in my seat and stared at it. The wood was new, freshly cut, and a small metal plaque was set in the centre. I leant forward to read it.

_To Yuki, who always loved this spot. In hope anyone who sits here will have as many memories and as much love as I do._

My heart was pounding in my throat. This must have cost him _millions_! And Kyo wouldn't take money from the house. He earned this? It must have taken him ages…

He loved me. Oh god, he loved me. He'd _never _do something like this unless… unless he really did. My hand was over my mouth as I stared at the sign, my chest tightening slightly as I fought the urge to hyperventilate. Oh _Kyo_, I'm so sorry!

"Sorry. It was rude of me." I turned to see him watching me, awkwardly hanging in the shadows in case he was intruding. "I thought you might like to help me pick the wood, but… stuff happened. I…" He raised an arm to run through his matted hair, and I caught a glimpse of his wrist. My blood went cold.

I rushed forward and snatched his hand, against his struggles. "Oh, _Kyo_." A slim, even line split his calloused palm from the smooth skin of his lower arm. My throat seemed to swell, and I couldn't speak. "T-tell me you didn't…"

He looked away. "It's not as bad as you think. Seriously. I'm too much of a coward. I chickened out. I - "

He was stopped in whatever he was going to say as I slammed into him, wrapping my arms around him and clinging to him desperately. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry - "

"Yuki! Breathe!" He held me at arms length, prying me from his chest. "Hey, it's okay! I'm here. I'm here now." He pulled me in, pushing my head into his chest and resting his chin against my head. I burst into tears; refreshing, cleansing tears as I sobbed with _happiness _at last.

I grabbed a fistful of his shirt, pressing my face into his chest. "P-promise me you won't go away again. No matter what." My words were muffled, but he still understood them.

He smiled at me. "No matter what." His hands moved from around my waist and sneaked up behind his head, undoing a clasp and bringing forwards the necklace, pushing the cold metal against my skin.

"Kyo…" He looked at me questioningly. "Haru gave that to you."

He smiled. "And now I'm giving it to you." He kissed the top of my forehead. "Haru's gone, and you're here."

I pushed my head forward again. "I don't deserve you," I muttered. "I really don't."

He grinned at me. "I know."

* * *

_Kyo_

* * *

There was a horrible lump somewhere around my vocal chords as I stared through the glass and tried to take in what I was seeing. His chest was only just rising and falling, ventilated by the white plastic box beside him. His heartbeat reached me not as the steady thumps I had so often pressed against that chest to hear, but as a mechanized bleep that made me feel ill.

I didn't wince as the cold hit my palm. I spread my fingers across the glass, pressing as close to him as I could. My Haru, broken, lay unmoving on the sheets as I watched his life slip away. Yuki's fingers were loosely draped around mine, but his eyes were with my own on the body in front of us.

We were here to say goodbye.

One year. One whole year, and after everything that had happened _this _was how it had to end. Yuki moved closer to me, our shoulders just touching, and his fingers wrapped around mine tightly. I merely looked at Hatori next to us, who for once was not as stoic as he normally is. I closed my eyes, accepting the finality of weeks of arguments. Beside me, Yuki burrowed his head into my chest and I idly wrapped my arm around him. I felt wetness spreading through my T-shirt and as I blinked I realized I was crying too.

I closed my eyes and angled my head downward, turned around and walked away, Yuki following me closely.

I didn't look round as the singular tone echoed through the empty corridor.

* * *

_The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins – but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back._

_Love is more than a candle._

_Love can ignite the stars._

_- Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith, by Matthew Stover._

* * *

**My thanks go to:**

**Kayakun, mousecat, Takami-of-the-ocean, XOoPunkPixieoOX, Rem10124, Rennie-chan, fullofmisery, KuroKarasu57, yariee, inu-luvver10, Error In Space, wingedstranger, reenastar, Pandora Darkheart, BakaDen and Oreo-chan, thank you for all the support you have given me over the last three months.**

**Sequel? You decide.**

**Obviously, if you do want a sequel, add me to author alerts, otherwise you won't know when I write it. Plus, there are more KyoYukis on the way.**

**Thank you, this has been Alichay.**


	11. Only You

_"White._

_And… it hurt._

_Around me… nothing made sense._

_The sound… squealing brakes… and then pain._

_Everything went black as a hand closed around mine."_

_**Only You, chapter 1 excerpt**_

_---_

**Hello!**

**Firstly, thanks so much for reading this story.**

**I literally just posted a sequel. It's called 'Only You' (many glomps to Rennie for the name!) and it's on my profile.**

**Thanks for reading!**


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